Halle Berry And Gabriel Aubry Reach Custody Agreement

Wait! Listen! That’s something negatively impacting the life of a wee child becoming not-our-business again. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Relaxed 590x396 Halle Berry, Gabriel Aubry Reach Custody Agreement: Can They Take Lindsay Lohan Now?

As relaxed as the moment you realize she’s too tired to disembowel you.

Reps for Oscar-winning actress Halle Berry and model Gabriel Aubry say the two have reached an amicable agreement regarding the care of custody of their four-year-old daughter, Nahla.

Halle Berry1 Halle Berry, Gabriel Aubry Reach Custody Agreement: Can They Take Lindsay Lohan Now?

And we can go back to discussing how purty she is.

This is especially good news on the heels of an ugly month for Berry and friends. To give you a brief rundown from the perspective of those involved:

Judge: ”No, Halle can’t up and take her kid to Paris.”
Berry fiance, actor Olivier Martinez: “OW. Stop hitting me, Halle’s ex-boyfriend. it’s Thanksgiving! Don’t make me break your ribs and black your eye.”
Aubry: “I am SO arrested. On Thanksgiving.”
Berry: “This break-up is the worst.”
Nahla: “COME. ON. ADULTS.”

While it’s never our beeswax to speculate on the health or demise of anyone’s marriage (stop looking at me, Mayim Bialik or, so help me, I’m calling Six), it’s hard not to when people are [literally] fighting in public. It’s so much nicer when people keep their implosion to themselves…

scanners explode Halle Berry, Gabriel Aubry Reach Custody Agreement: Can They Take Lindsay Lohan Now?

And decidedly neater. (DISCLAIMER: No Scanners were harmed in the making of this totally terrific movie.)

…or make a conciliatory statement then retreat to continue imploding in private. It saves me a lot of judge-y energy. Most of all, though, this news is a welcome respite from worrying about someone else’s child being caught in the crossfire of grownups who–although they can stay up late, eat cookies for dinner, and buy booze–can be colossal assholes. And it spares me from wondering why I’m wondering about the well-being of someone’s kiddo when all evidence points to a happy, healthy, young ‘un.

So let’s celebrate Berry and Aubry for ostensibly pulling their heads out of their asses for a detente for the sake of their daughter. Let’s hope that any allegations about Aubry being violent–allegations that were not proven–are false or that Halle Berry has the cover to keep herself and her daughter safe under watchful eyes. Let’s not spend more energy on worrying over Halle Berry. Instead, let’s use the blogspace I would’ve used to “tsk, tsk” at Berry and Aubry for letting things get so bad in the first place and spend it on asking Halle Berry to please adopt Lindsay Lohan.

Lindsay Lohan Halle Berry, Gabriel Aubry Reach Custody Agreement: Can They Take Lindsay Lohan Now?

You know what I want for Christmas? A picture of Lindsay Lohan that isn’t a mugshot or her in full make-up as a 50-year-old dead woman.

All Lohan had to do this week was not punch someone. And now there are reports that her failure to reach this lofty goal of NOT PUNCHING ANYONE THIS WEEK may have been fueled by alcohol. Remember when I said I was happy to not worry about other people’s kids? Well, Lindsay’s not a kid anymore. She’s a recidivist. And I can worry about other people’s inmates all I want. And what the eff does me worrying (eye-rolling, face-palming, spit-taking) over LiLo have to do with Halle Berry? Well Little Miss Veteran Inmate 2012 clearly needs the help of an older, wiser mentor who’s shown she can rebound from a rough patch and do the right thing. If not Halle, who?