News came out this week of one of our favorite actor/musicians/freak shows, Jared Leto, making his acting comeback in the upcoming Dallas Buyer’s Club along side Matthew McConaughey and Jennifer Garner. This go ’round, Jared will be playing a “flamboyant cross-dresser” which is a cherry on top of the many faces we’ve seen him wear throughout the history of his career. I say it’s a worthwhile investment to spend some time reflecting on how versatile and innovative this man has attempted to be been. Plus, it’s a chance for those of us who will never forget Jordan Catalano to swoon on our smartphones while we “do a two-ski”, the kids banging on the door DEMANDING MORE MILK, MOM! Never. Fucking. EVER. Forget.
Even with this lame choker, your dad is going to fucking love me.
So naturally you’d be hard-pressed to find anyone that hadn’t lived under a rock through the better half of the late 90′s that didn’t absolutely love the shit out of Jared in My So-Called Life. All was well and good and then he started to spread his little talent wings. Next came his first leading roll in Prefontaine where he completely lost himself in running, which, seems sort of odd because I genuinely do not peg Mr. Leto as a “fitness” type. Unless the fitness involves a good deal of time in the horizontal position in a dimly lit bedroom or, hell, an alley…oh…pardon me…where were we? Then he got edgier with roles as gay high school teachers, the war-drafted boyfriend of a psychopath, more psychodrama roles, sprinkle in a few crazy druggie roles and one where the first rule is that you don’t talk about that role and you’ve got yourself a recipe for every mother’s nightmare. OHMYGAH JARED! LET ME HOLD YOU!
I’m ready to fuck your shit up…blame it on the bleach.
Do we dare venture into his dabbling with music? I have to admit that I was a huge 30 Seconds to Mars fan because, well, I “had” to be for The Job, but also…JORDAN CATALANO WAS PLAYING A GUITAR AND EMO-SCREAMING, MOTHERFUCKERS! The music was decent and he wasn’t too hard on the eyes…until he was. There was a fuck ton of a style crisis for the guy while he was/is/was (no one can be sure these days, really) a rock-and-roll frontman.
I’m all for emboldened whimsy, but NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Just. No.
As of late, he’s lost a lot of The Looney and seems to be coming to his senses. That’s not to pull the “he’s getting so old and boring” card, because even if those balls of his were scraping the pavement, I think he’d still be a totally talented sex symbol because JORDAN CATALANO, MOTHERFUCKERS! I have to wonder if that ever gets old for him? Probably. But that doesn’t mean that admirers the world over will ever cease to use his debut character as their battle cry for OMG, MOAR JARED LETO, FOREVERZ!
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