Previously on The Walking Dead, Michonne says “peace out” and zombie gladiator fighting!
I feel like if there was an over-arching purpose to this episode, it was to remind everyone how much of an asshole Merle really is. I mean, he’s been fairly douchey since we were reintroduced to him three episodes ago – but now we’re back to remembering why Rick left him on the roof in the first season. Maybe it’s because I’m an only child…but really? All this just because you want to see your brother? HE’S NOT EVEN THINKING ABOUT YOU, DUDE. Also? SO MUCH HAPPENED IN THIS EPISODE.
Anyway, “Hounded” opens with Merle and three gentleman from utopia-town searching for Michonne, who’s left them a message using zombie body parts, or as Merle dubs it, a “biter-gram.” That Merle. (He was waiting for a rim-shot. You could tell.) Using some limbs and a walker’s torso she’s written “G” “O” and used the zombie’s back for the word “back.” Here we see Michonne is not only winning for “best use of a katana”, but also “best use of zombie parts for story telling.” While the boys are admiring her handiwork, Michonne strikes and takes out two of the guys and although she’s shot in the leg, manages to get away…leaving Merle and his new buddy Garguilo, aka “wussy Neil” to forage on.
Meanwhile, back at the prison, Rick’s on the phone ordering up a pizza. Just kidding. But he IS chatting on the phone with an unidentified lady who won’t say where she is. Rick pleads for help and loses his shit, which prompts the woman to say she’ll check with her group to see if she can help. She’ll call back in two hours. Two hours? Do people care about time anymore? After all this, Rick finally showers (THANK GOD) and returns to find the group getting by just fine without his crazy-pants…THANKYOUVERYMUCH.
While Rick is waiting for his phone call, we find Merle and Neil getting their shit together. They know Michonne is hurt, so the hunt continues. Back in Woodbury, Andrea tells the Governor that his party was super lame and that using zombies as fight props is super uncool. Despite all that, she wants to help out however she can, and volunteers to work the wall.
Back at the zombie penitentiary, two hours are up and the phone is ringing again. Rick answers, but this time hears a man’s voice. The man tells Rick that their home is safe from biters and crazy people, and oh by the way, HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE YOU KILLED. Rick wastes no time telling him, and when the man inquires about how Lori died, Rick dodges the question. Not pleased with that response, the man hangs up. Come on, Rick. The subconscious hotline has questions. PLEASE ANSWER THEM.
Andrea saddles up on the wall with one of Woodbury’s finest and when a walker decides to mosey on up, the crossbow-bearing wall watcher can’t manage to shoot the thing. (Great hiring job, Gov.) Andrea puts her game face on, jumps the wall, kicks the zombie’s ass and stabs it in the eye. THAT’S how it’s done. Apparently, that’s NOT how it’s done though. Crossbow chick is PISSED that Andrea’s treating it like a game and lets Andrea know it. Later, the Gov demotes Andrea from her wall post because of her actions. Andrea admits to the Gov that she actually really did enjoy the zombie bum-fights and doesn’t like to admit to liking them. The Gov gets his flirt on and says he’s starting to grow on her. It’s really too bad that she doesn’t know about the head collection he has – it would have made that statement a little more creepy, even though she seemed turned on by it. (Sick.)
Rick is still busy waiting for the phone to ring again, and who should come in but Hershel (who’s having fun wiggling the toes he doesn’t have anymore – gross). Rick confides in Hershel that the phone has been ringing and he’s been talking to people who are somewhere safe but DON’T TELL ANYONE (number one sign of the crazy). Hershel picks up the phone only to hear dead air. At this point, I think we can all agree Rick is not on the sane-train. Does Hershel sense Rick’s just working his way through his issues? Later after Hershel crutch-walks away, the phone rings again. Rick answers and the woman is on the line, yelling at him for not talking about Lori. “You should talk about it, Rick.” OMG. She knows his name? The lines goes dead. OOOOOOOO. SUSPENSE!!!
Merle and Neil are hot on Michonne’s trail, but turns out she is hot on theirs because KATCHOW! Michonne gets a slice at Neil…but not before walkers decide they want in on the action as well. Michonne slices at a walker and ends up wearing its guts as a blanket, and pretty much makes me mouth-vomit. Neil saves Merle from a walker, and in the meantime Michonne gets away. Merle congratulates Neil for saving his life and says he’ll buy him a beer when they go back since Michonne is apparently as good as dead. Neil wants to keep hunting Michonne because he clearly has a homicide-boner, and doesn’t want to lie to the Gov about the fact that she’s still alive. Merle says “Hear that bird?” distracting Neil, and Merle stabs Neil in the face. Note to self for future reference: NO, I DIDN’T HEAR THAT BIRD.
Daryl, Carl, and Axel are walking the prison halls looking for more walkers, and Daryl tells the story of how his mom was a chain smoking alcoholic and died in a fire set by her own cigarettes. Carl lets Daryl know that dude…I shot my mom. Your story is pretty lame. Just not in so many words. Regardless, they both say “sorry about your mom,” and walk by a door being shoved from the inside. Daryl says they’ll kill the walker inside that room later. Probably a good thing. They continue clearing the prison when they encounter a walker that has Carol’s knife in it’s neck. I’m beginning to wonder YET AGAIN how they ever assumed she was dead? Maybe we’ll find out.
Michonne grabs her backpack (Does anyone else totally miss her slave zombies? Probably not as much as she does.) and encounters a pack of walkers who could give a shit about her standing there. Another note to self for future reference: ZOMBIE STANK & GUTS ARE A ZOMBIE REPELLANT. She continues walking and comes upon a small abandoned town. A familiar car pulls up, and she hides; it’s Glen and Maggie foraging for more baby supplies. Glen hits the powder formula jackpot, when none other than Merle should appear. Ugh. THIS GUY. He’s all “TAKE ME TO DARYL” and Glen is like “EFF YOU BRO” and low and behold, Merle flexes his douche muscle, gets Maggie in a choke hold and makes Glen take the three of them back to Woodbury. All while Michonne watches from afar. THANKS FOR HELPING, LADY.
Andrea and the Gov are seen day-drinking, which as everyone knows is a one way ticket to Make-out Town. They of course end up in the sack and fricken Merle interrupts with news about having new prisoners Glen and Maggie. The Gov asks whether they know Andrea, and Merle says yes – and then tells the tale of how all his compadres were taken out by Michonne (lie) and that before Neil died they killed Michonne (lie). Apparently it’s customary to collect katanas and heads from the dead, and when the Gov requests both from Merle, he tells some story (lie) about how it wasn’t possible to get those things. Gov goes back to sexy time with Andrea, and doesn’t mention anything about Glen and Maggie…which in his defense was probably a good thing. Seems like holding someone’s friends against their will might be a turn-off.
Daryl is now by himself, stabbing at the prison floor with Carol’s knife. He starts getting crabby, stabbing concrete and kicking biters, when he begins to lose patience with the walker that’s shoving the door down the hall. He opens the door to finally shut the thing up, when it turns out to be Carol. Alive! And not bitten? I think? I mean, she’s not turned. Anyway, Daryl carries her off and once again HOW HOT IS DARYL?! No? Just me? Okay.
In the boiler room, Rick’s party line rings again. He’s told that they know his name because they know him. The chick that called before? That was Amy. (Wha? Dead Amy?) And speaking now is…Lori. (Uhh…DEAD LORI?!) The phone is all static-y and I can’t help but think about the last movie I feel like Michael Keaton starred in, White Noise. Rick’s got a hotline to the grave! He tells Lori he’s so sorry and that he loves her blah blah, and Lori is all “Remember how we have a kid that never stayed in the house and also I had a baby right before our son shot me? You should probably look after them.” Apparently Rick agrees, because he’s crying and then hangs up the phone. Rick returns to the cell block and finally holds his little girl for the first time. For whatever reason, he and the folks in the room with him walk outside, when something catches Rick’s eye. Michonne is standing at the prison fence, surrounded and unnoticed by walkers with the basket of baby booty Glen and Maggie had collected.