My dearest, dearest Miley. I don’t know you. I couldn’t name one song you’ve sung. (Wait – didn’t you have a song on the Tangled soundtrack? Okay, maybe I know one.) I never got on the Hannah Montana bandwagon (mostly because I was in my 20s sans kids when that was popular), and continue to not care about your career as Miley Cyrus, pop-star extraordinaire.
However, when I opened up the Interwebs this morning, this story caught my eye:
Really? I mean…REALLY?
I get it. You’re 19 years old. Mom and dad can’t say much about your actions (WHICH IS SO COMPLETELY OBVIOUS) and you’re ready to show the world you’re your own boss. To be honest, your “haircut” was enough of an announcement. I don’t think you needed to take it any further. And yet, you have. (She also took that haircut even further as shown in this video and a recent post to Twitter. Le sigh.)
Miley, do you see that headline up there? There is so much wrong in that headline that even I can’t make it right. To make matters worse, there’s video. (Do I need to put a disclaimer on this that it’s NSFW? I mean, STRIPPERS AND CHRISTMAS CREAMPIES. <— There. THERE’S your disclaimer.)
(ugh, flopping boobs.)
ANYWAY, do you see where I’m going with this? You have a voice. You
have had a career. You’re taking things down a path that Britney Spears herself barely managed to come back from (and in all due respect to Britney, I don’t even think she’ll fully recover). AND SHE’S BRITNEY FUCKING SPEARS.
What’s more frightening to me, is that unlike Lindsay Lohan, Amanda Bynes and other Hollywood girls-gone-bad…I don’t think you have anything to blame but your own poor decision making. I mean, at least those girls were wasted and/or on drugs. You? I think you’re still trying to shake that Hannah Montana thing off your back. WE GET IT. You’re not Hannah Montana. Can you please knock it off now?
And I’ll only briefly pause for a moment to say WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN because since this is so incredibly far from your Hannah Montana character that millions of little girls emulated, what kind of message does this send to them? “Be cute and adorable when you’re in junior high and then when you turn 18 become a free spirit and dance at a Christmas Creampie show?” NO THANK YOU. Seriously, if my daughter had ever listened to your music I would be having stern talks with her about what is acceptable and what isn’t because THIS TOTALLY ISN’T.
I will say, thank you for keeping your clothes on.
In closing, you’re still young. You still have time to turn this around. Do you see the other names I mentioned in this letter? All of them are train wrecks. Only one made things right for herself, even if it was a little too late. I don’t like having to compare you to Lindsay Lohan, but if it’s the wake-up call you need to start acting like an adult, then so be it.
DON’T BE ANOTHER LINDSAY LOHAN.