Here’s a life tip: If you place fake calls to the authorities about guns and explosives, things are not going to end well for you. Authorities will look for you; they will find you; and they will kill you (or just prosecute you to the fullest extent of the law, it depends on if Liam Neeson gets there first and takes things into his own murderous hands).
Congratulations! You now know more than a 12 year old MS paint wizard from California.
The teen (name withheld because he’s a minor but shall henceforth be referred to as ‘Crash Override’) stands accused of placing “prank” distress calls to the police regarding the private homes of Ashton Kutcher and Justin Bieber last October. While most 12 year-olds might have gone with a classic line like, “Is your refrigerator running?” Crash Override went with, “Multiple people shot, explosives in the house.” ZING!
As you would expect, the police promptly sped to the residences armed to the teeth and were (thankfully) greeted with a whole lot of… nothing. Kutcher wasn’t even home at the time and some handymen were walking around the house all, “Oh, hey officers! Yeah, everything’s fine. You guys wanna call for pizza? Yo Jim, I’m calling for pizza!”
Unfortunately for poor, young Crash Override, the police don’t take that kind of thing lightly (nor should they). Earlier this week the teen was taken into custody and he is currently enjoying some light discourse with his lawyer (Law Override), and some rather heavy straight-talk with very angry FBI investigators regarding the charges of what they refer to as “swatting.”
(For those of us who aren’t up on our trendy hacking lingo “swatting” is when someone “hacks” into “the interwerbs” and places fake calls to emergency services for fake emergencies in real locations, causing first responders to rush off to save all the baby puppies and kitties meanwhile the… swatters? sit around in their underpants scratching their patchy balls and laughing. So funny! Those hilarious emergencies where someone might be injured! Those policemen! Always doing their jobs in a timely and safe fashion! Ha ha! Get your rollerblades, it’s ZEEEERO COOL.)
Typically I would be all over any plan involving pranking The World’s Worst Prankster™ (Ashton Kutcher), who surely deserves his comeuppance for all those years of hosting Punk’d, but in this case said “prank” was: A) Not funny at all — get some shaving cream and saran wrap and try again, and B) A gross misuse of public resources, and C) Actually pretty dangerous.
IF the police had stormed in and shot one of the handymen, IF one of them had stubbed their toe, IF there had big a big fire across town and all the firemen in LA were tied up at Casa Del Biebs trying to ensure Justin Bieber’s fake safety – UNACCEPTABLE. Watch some comedy roasts, Crash, and in 5-10 years when they give you access to a phone again stick to ordering pizzas with anchovies to other people’s houses and fighting The Plague.