Ahhh, we’re in December, folks. This means two things: that my neighbor has a big obnoxious inflatable snowman in his front yard, and that I will – under no circumstances – go within 500 yards of our local mall. But it also means celebrity holiday music, and that radio stations all over the country will begin playing Adam Sandler’s “Hannukah Song” (“drink your gin and tonica”) and “Santa Claus Is Coming To Town” mashed in between whatever Taylor Swift song just came out and whatever song Rihanna is currently peddling, thus causing me to feel both filled with holiday spirit AND slightly schizophrenic.
And of course Target and every other big box store in the land will put out enormous cardboard displays on every endcap with a variety of musicians’ holiday albums. But which are actually worth your cold, hard cash, and which will just annoy the Christmas cheer right out of you (with extra jingly bells!)? SOMETIMES THESE ARE ONE IN THE SAME. THERE IS NO SPOON.
There’s the wildly popular Mariah Carey album, where her voice does this in every. single. song.: oooOOOHhh ahhhAHHH OOOHhhhh [impossible high note] ahhhhhhhh!
I am going to shriek the Christmas spirit right into you, dammit!
And this mind-bending album, which my BFF played around the clock in college while standing on her dorm room desk in Steve Madden slides, singing into a hairbrush, delicately touching the face of JC Chasez by way of a dorm room poster:
I cannot look at a pineapple without thinking about Chris Kirkpatrick.
But some musicians don’t even bother putting out albums, and instead choose to bring their xmas tunes straight to the masses. In anticipation of the coming holiday this tasty little gem came out yesterday, though apparently it’s not associated with any album I’m aware of: DMX sings “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.” It’s a goodie:
(I usually avoid YouTube comments like the plague because they make me weep for humanity, but this one gets a nod: ”It’s like Christmas is mad at me.” Indeed, Mr. xxXhackerXxx. But IN A GOOD WAY, RIGHT?)
Speaking for myself, if there was a DMX Christmas album I’d play it every day up in here, up in here. #gangsign
A few other celebrity holiday albums I’d like to see:
- Jimmy Fallon (Maybe this would have to be a DVD – he’s a visually funny kinda guy)
- Jay-Z and Kanye (If they could manage to not rap about their Rolexes or making it rain. We get it, guys, you’re really, REALLY rich, WE KNOW.)
- Justin Bieber and Sean Kingston (I don’t even see you flipping me off right now.)
- Jewel (She’s got a couple of pretty rad children’s albums. I’d pay for a kid-friendly Christmas one myself. I mean, I like yodeling.)
- Adele (It would be beautiful and also incredibly depressing. She would KILL “Blue Christmas,” people!)
- Nicki Minaj (“Can’t you hear dat boom ba boom boom, boom ba boom boom Santa Claus?” PARENTAL ADVISORY, RESTRICTED CONTENT!!!)
Which holiday albums would you like to see? GO AHEAD, we won’t judge (see: Justin Bieber suggestion above) – give us a shout in comments!
About Roo Ciambriello
