Courtney Stodden is the teen bride of actor Doug Hutchison and is famous for making everyone want to put a cardigan around her shoulders, push the hair off of her face, and say, “Honey…no.” Stodden and Hutchison have now built a career around creeping everyone out with their significant age difference (she’s 18, he’s 52, they got married when she was 16) by taking their antics to reality TV and just out in public in general.
Fuck yeah, gourds.
At every turn, whenever the response to their walking Electra complex is something akin to, “Come on, man. I’m trying to eat…” they shoot back with something like:
Undaunted and determined to continue their crusade of…whatever, Stodden answered the pleas of no one at all anywhere and released her Christmas photos the other day.
Stodden is depicted posing naked in front of pink Christmas tree. There are, however, a few tasteful accessories: a pink Santa hat, pink satin gloves, and sparkly zebra print platform heels. Stodden also holds a few strategically placed Christmas gifts and displays a look of, “Come and unwrap my daddy issues.”
I know I’m being judgmental, which bugs me, because I’m generally very laissez-faire (that’s French so be impressed) about people expressing their sexuality. But I think this earns my eye-roll because I just don’t think Christmas is very sexy. I don’t mean that in a, “This is a sacred time of year,” way. But I just don’t think that sex and Christmas are such an obvious match.
How does a day filled with ham, booze, ugly sweaters, sugar-and-consumerism-crazed kids, and pulling shoes off of your swollen feet result in doing the HoHoHo on top of a pile of wrapping paper and a Furby? That’s what irritates me about Stodden and Hutchison — they’re drawing connections between things that just aren’t sexy. This is the most nauseating thing to happen to Christmas 2012 since the latest Samsung commercial.
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