What to do with those two or three people on your holiday shopping list who won’t be wowed with a bottle of Justin Bieber Someday Eau de Parfum or a shiny new iPad mini? Enter Etsy.com, your Internet host of cottage industry awesomeness and craftastic cool!
For the teen girl cousin who has outgrown Girl Scout sewing badges and ABC samplers, Plastic Little Covers features a selection of embroidery and cross stitch patterns with a little more sass.
Okay, maybe teen girls aren’t watching Breaking Bad or tacking Jesse Pinkman posters over their beds. Never fear! Plastic Little Covers offers a wide variety of patterns, from a silhouette of Lloyd Dobler’s classic stance in Say Anything to angsty bon mots like, “Yeah, I could do that, but I’m paralyzed with not caring very much.”
I think that may be a quote from Juliette Gordon Low’s younger sister, but I’m not sure.
Is your middle school daughter too hip for the new American Girl doll? For a starting price of $650, Bean’s Imagination will create a one-of-a-kind Twilight baby.
Breastfeeding is a bitch.
When I first saw this picture, I thought it was an altered photo of a real baby. Nope! It’s a doll. An exquisitely made life-like blood-suckling doll that made me grip my uterus in horror. Although, admit it: wouldn’t it be fun to show up at a La Leche meeting with this carnivorous cutie?
For the Walking Dead fan on your list, Chris and Jane’s Place sells an absolutely stunning array of killer garden gnomes.
Gardening and zombie watching aren’t two fetishes that one naturally (0r unnaturally) connects. But these nasty little critters will serve as good reminder to keep up with weeding and aphid squishing in preparation for the eventual Apocalypse. Once all the store-bought food is gone, you’re on you’re own: better a green thumb than a food-finding mission that risks your crimson life fluids gushing from your open skull as you wield a can opener in defense.
Tree houses are so nineteenth century. All the really epic kids are serving tea and smoking skunky pipe weed in their Hobbit Holes playhouse.
This is the Hobbit chicken coop. The playhouse costs at least $400 more. Your kid can most likely fit in a chicken coop.
When my two eldest daughters graduate high school and it’s just me at home with The Mister and my 13-year-old son, I’m buying a full-size Hobbit Hole playhouse to escape to. Apologies for the alpha male stereotyping, but I can already envision a future of peed-encrusted toilet seats and no one bothering to put on pants anymore once the house has been depleted of estrogen.
And on that note, Cookie Pixie presents a kinder, gentler Etsy. An enlightened Etsy world where people take the time to make dainty quadrilateral cookies decorated with tiny edible wafer papers printed with soy inks.
Sort of like these Downton Abbey-inspired ladies. You can purchase entire sheets of edible wafer paper with fanciful vintage patterns for the auntie or gal pal who likes to trip out on proper etiquette and fussing over inheritance.
Isn’t shopping on Etsy so much more fun than shopping at the mall? And all while supporting small business and work-at-home efforts. I mean, you’re just not going to find a quality vampire baby at Toys R Us, are you?
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About Josette Plank
