Yes, I just used Al Capone as a verb. Deal with it.
The latest twist in the Lindsay Lohan drama roller coaster — coming soon to a Six Flags near you, tentatively titled Escape From Consequence Mountain — might not seem as exciting as other recent events, but might actually be the most serious mess she’s made for herself yet. In between all those DUIs, jail stints, probation violations, repeated accusations of theft and drug and alcohol problems, Liz and Dick…Lindsay apparently failed to pay her taxes. Like, all the time. She owes over $233,000 from 2009 and 2010…and apparently owes taxes from 2011 as well, though the exact amount is unknown. On Monday, the IRS seized her bank accounts and is going through her financials with an IRS-sized comb of whoopass.
She’s going to have to find out where Al got his hats.
Okay, sure! Taxes. Whatever. Didn’t Charlie Sheen just give her $100K to cover some of the bill or something, out of the goodness of his creepy weird little heart? I’m sure if she just tweets a picture of the money and promises to like, send it to them next Tuesday that’ll buy her some time, right? I’m sure the IRS will totally understand that it’s not actually Lindsay’s fault — nothing EVER is, after all — because she’s blaming her accountants. Because every Hollywood star who gets in tax-related hot water always blames their accountants and it always works out just fine for them. Right?
Yeeeeah.
It turns out that Lindsay has a history of getting paid in cash for her club appearance fees — $10,000 here, $15,000 there — that she may or may not have declared as income. And by “may” I of course mean, “bish, plz.”
That, too.
If that’s the case, her tax mess might not necessarily be as simple as paying what she owes already. And I’m pretty sure if you get sent to prison for tax evasion, you don’t sit in a cell for 18 minutes before getting sent home for overcrowding. They’ll find some room for you, somehow.
Given that her accounts have already been seized, it’s probable that the IRS has already thoroughly investigated the matter. We’re also told that the actress was basically “fired” by her accountants just a few weeks ago, although the reason why remains undisclosed.
“The IRS has taken a drastic step here so that she would have no time to transfer, aka launder any more money,” said Los Angeles-based custodial coach, Wendy Feldman. “It is unusual to seize accounts without notice, but they obviously had some cause.”
So where have the actress’ hard-earned dollars gone?
“She pays everyone else’s bills and lives a very lavish lifestyle that she can’t really afford,” a source tells us.
For example, earlier this year Lohan was banned by the Chateau Marmont Hotel for unpaid bills in excess of $47,000 during the six weeks she was shooting the Lifetime movie “Liz & Dick,” including a mini bar tab of $3,145.07 and a cigarette bill of $686 for 47 packs of smokes.
So what’s the over/under on this one, do you think? Will Lindsay once again manage to escape this mess mostly unscathed? Will TAXES be what gets this girl out of the clubs and bars and away from her enabling mess of a family? How is she going to grift by while her accounts are all frozen and she’s currently embroiled in expensive legal dramas on BOTH COASTS? Who’s going to cover her minibar and hotel bills? How will her parents make their mortgage payments this month with only the money they get from selling Lindsay out to TMZ? How will that psychic she allegedly punched get her yummy lawsuit dollars now? And won’t somebody please think of the poor tobacco industry that depends on the Lohan Hangers-On Industrial Complex to buy excessive amounts of cigarettes every night?
About Amy Corbett Storch
