Well looky here boys and girls, Lindsay Lohan has cleaned up and shaped up into something that we wish all of our daughters could nail (pun TOTALLY intended): being a super groupie for The Wanted. Or has she? I’m still not entirely clear on what in the blazes (pun pseudo-intended?) is going on in that girl’s brain to decide whether or not the world can finally make its unanimous standing ovation at her antics. Sit down, Dina. THIS IS NOT A HOLIDAY RECITAL!
Perhaps we should have taken her eerily omnipresent attempts at landing her most recent, made-for-TV-role as Liz Taylor in Liz & Dick (try saying that last part out loud without snickering…teehee) or her habit of insisting on playing “robber” in every game of cops and robbers the universe throws at her as a harbinger to what she decided to become this week at the Jingle Ball in Philly. Sure a bona fide fan girl is one thing, but showing up backstage at a concert where Max George is performing when you were just arrested, supposedly, apparently, I guess because of a nightclub scuffle over Max George is grounds for more than a wrist slap. Does this count as a probation violation, officer? It’s obvious she is a menace to society what with all of her vying for the attention of a head-shorn, English version of Enrique Iglesias. Any of THAT must fall under reasonable grounds these days. No you just Googled “Is being Lindsay Lohan reasonable grounds for arrest now?”…and giggled and giggled and giggled and gasped and giggled some more.
Please read to the back cover. Please read to the back cover. Please read to the back cover.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m proud of LiLo for rolling up her sleeves to be a groupie. If I learned anything from my years of watching roadies work from my cushy box seats, it’s that band gear looks to be really heavy and setting up for a big arena show is a lot of hard wor…oh wait, that is a roadie and I’m preeeeeeetttttyyyyy sure there is a different definition of “roadie” at play in this whole scenario. Forget I mentioned “hard work” and “Lindsay Lohan” in the same sentence.
And in closing and fittingly in the words of the all-knowing John Mayer, I urge fathers to be good to their daughters, because daughters will grow up to be groupies. Or Lindsay Lohan. Mothers? You too. Don’t be groupies. It’s not a good look on you. Also? You’re embarrassing the PTA president. She even does “groupie” better than you, too.
So which role do you hope to see LiLo land next? Girl With A Dragon In The Basement at Chateau Marmont? Girl Interrupted Me And I Listened Politely, Agreeing With A Majority Of Her Contribution To The Group Conversation?
About Jess
