Hey Gang! Welcome to a new weekly feature here on MamaPop, the Movie Trailer Roundup! Cue the graphic:
What?! It’s a work in progress…LEAVE ME ALONE!
That’s right! Every Thursday at 10, MamaPop becomes your one-stop shop for all of the newly released trailers and promotional material Hollywood can’t wait to cram down your throats. I’ll be your guide on this journey as we look at what’s ahead and deem, with varying levels of sarcasm, what will probably be good for us and/or our kids, what will suck, what will probably never be as good as its trailer implies, and what we can’t wait to throw our hard-earned money at.
So let’s get started!
Now that the Holidays are upon us, Hollywood is already busy trying to get us ramped up for next year’s (hopeful) blockbusters. This week we have a whole mess of ‘em: one that’s got me REALLY excited, one that’s filling me with hope, one that’s making me nervous, and two that are almost the same exact movie. Every once in a while studios overlap ideas and we have a Deep Impact/Armageddon Volcano/Dante’s Peak year where we get movies with nearly identical plots and subject matter coming out simultaneously, and I’m here to report that 2013 will DEFINITELY be one of those years. Here’s Tom Cruise and Will Smith in eerily similar movies: Oblivion and After Earth…
Tom Cruise IS WALL-E!
This is an M. Knight Shymalan movie so I bet the twist is that it’s really BEFORE Earth…
You would think Tom and Will would occasionally compare projects at the Scientology meetings.
Anyway, Earth is screwed. I have to say I’m (slightly) more interested in Oblivion, but maybe that’s because the Morgan Freemanness is canceling out the Tom Cruiseiness of the movie. 89% of After Earth could be just Jaden Smith running from CGI monkeys while Will takes FOREVER to die.
So on a scale of Morgan Freemans:
Oblivion : 7 Driving Miss Daisy’s (out of a possible 10). It’ll be entertaining, but mainly because it’s something we’ll totally expect.
After Earth : 5 Detective Somersets out of 10. We want to know what’s in the box, but he aint talkin’…
Here’s the trailer for another big movie coming out next year, but this one is making me a little nervous. Here’s The Lone Ranger :
PUT A BIRD ON IT!
Full disclosure: I love the Lone Ranger mythology. It’s something I always enjoyed with my Dad, be it through the old TV show or comic books or whatever. My personal ideal Lone Ranger movie would be a fun and dark cross between Batman and Unforgiven. This, however, has Johnny Depp Captain Jack Sparrow-ing all over the place with Silver in a tree. I want to believe, but it looks like we may need 7 graves after all.
So on a scale of John Waynes:
The Lone Ranger : 3 Genghis Kahns out of 10. Here’s something I should like, but something seems a bit, err, off about it.
Up next, here’s a trailer for a flick that I was at first worried about, but now I’m filled with hope. Here’s Man of Steel :
New rule of superhero movies, every costume has to look like it was made out of a basketball.
Now, here we go! After the relative critical disappointment that was Superman Returns, Man of Steel looks like it may just be able to do good by the man in blue tights. It’s a Superman movie where he actually gets to PUNCH somebody! It looks like all of the good parts of a Superman story are here, I just don’t know how its all going to fit together. The only thing left to fear is whether or not the humanity they impart on Superman doesn’t make him all mopey and emo.
So on a scale of spit curls:
Man of Steel : 7 out of 10. Sure it looks old-fashioned, but danged if it doesn’t feel a little stiff.
Finally, my TRAILER OF THE WEEK goes to Guillermo Del Toro’s latest movie Pacific Rim :
Holey Moses. So, let’s review, shall we? This movie has:
- Giant monsters
- Giant robots
- Charlie Day from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia
- Idris Elba
- GLADoS (for the super-nerds)
- Rocket elbows on giant robots so they can punch things harder.
This is a movie that has everything I want in life. It’s basically a big budget version of when I play with my son. Everything just gets crazier and more and more wildly imaginative until it eventually ends up with giant robots and monsters. This flick just looks like a humongous slice of fun. My only rating for this trailer is:
Well what do you think? Which trailer gives you the most goosebumps? Which one has you lamenting the state of Hollywood? Which trailer did I miss that you want covered next week? Leave your thoughts below.
As a parting gift, I give you this week’s retro-trailer. Enjoy!
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About Joe Lyons
