The week between Christmas and New Year’s is an odd one isn’t it? There’s a lot of time for reflection while you’re building 4500 piece Lego sets and cursing the value of your English degree while trying to construct this year’s Transformer. Happy now, Dad? YOU WERE RIGHT.
While I’ve never claimed to be a qualified (or even remotely accurate) prognosticator, I am pretty confident about a few things we can look forward to in 2013. Here are some of the best things about the world not ending last week, pop-culture-wise:
1. Arrested Development Is Coming Back
I can hardly wait for the Bluth clan to return – not only to the big screen, but now also for a limited (but reportedly expanding) season run. Thanks to Netflix, you can catch-up with the Bluths before the movie’s release later in 2013. I like to take notes when watching, because the most effective of all my parenting strategies are directly modeled after Lucille Bluth.
2. A possible Kim Kardashian/Kanye West Wedding
There’s nothing I enjoy more than a good old-fashioned romantic American love story. Blue collar girl born into adversity slings hash in a run-down diner to pay for community college so she can fulfil her goal of becoming a dental hyenist, but instead meets the man of her dreams who takes her away from it all. That is how Kim Kardashian became famous, correct?
The Kardashian/Kanye pairing and Hollywood power couple is going strong and even thinking marriage, according to sources. Kanye and Kim apparently spent the holidays together, and I bet they gave each other lovely handjob gifts – sorry – handmade gifts for the holidays. If the rumours are true (and sweet Baby Jesus I hope they are) then this couple is headed for the atlar in 2013. Sources say Kanye “wants to give Kim a wedding she’ll never forget.” Okay, Kanye. I had a wedding I’ll never forget, so here’s how you do it: Get really drunk and tell the banquet hall waitstaff to worry about the guests, not your new wife. Then, rip her pretty white dress before you go hang out in the parking lot with your boss.
If these two really do exchange vows in 2013, you’re well advised to start hoarding bling. It’ll be in short supply soon.
3. Lindsay Lohan Making More Bad Choices
I could write anything here, really, and she’ll top it somehow. Just when you think she can’t get arrested again or forget to wear underwear again, she does it. She’s a trooper this girl! She comes through for us every single time. She has become an expert at failing, and that is no easy feat. I can’t even venture a guess at what she has planned for us in 2013, but I do know I am looking forward to it.
Hey! Let’s play a game in the comments. Tell me what you think she’ll do in 2013, and on January 1st, 2014 who ever came closest will claim the prize.*
*There will be no prize.
4. Tina Fey and Amy Poehler Hosting the Golden Globes
First person to make a Globe/Boob joke gets a fork in the eye.
Tina Fey is wrapping up “30 Rock” this year, and TV will be a darker place without her. However, this is a woman whose subsequent projects just get better and better, so I’m expecting big things from her in 2013. Again with the boob jokes, people?
5. Honey Boo Boo
What’s not to love about this family? TLC is bringing the whole Boo Boo crew back in 2013 for another season. I know it’s a horrible show that arguably exploits a child and her family’s “redneck” living style, but it is what it is and do we really expect anything else from TLC? Remember that this is the “network” that also brings us informative, educational shows like “Sister Wives” and “Toddler’s and Tiaras.”
TLC officially stands for “The Learning Channel” but I can’t help but think that at TLC headquarters the suits have decided it really means “The Loser Collective.”
Happy New Year, everyone!