Here’s some motherly advice from beachy-bunny turned procreating woman Sienna Miller: Having a baby is easy and great! Your body is a wonderland! Can I get you a chenille blanket? Here, maybe put your feet up. You’ve had a hard day. I’ll get you a cool cloth for your brow. Girl power!
Sienna Miller and fiance Tom Sturridge had a tantric yoga birth party on a surfboard in the middle of the ocean back in July which ended when their new daughter Marlowe poked her head out the front door and yelled, “Hey, can you quit it with all the chanting I’m getting cold out here.” Miller’s skin was kissed by the golden rays of the first dawn and butterflies floated gently around her face spelling out f-e-m-i-n-i-n-e b-e-a-u-t-y with their wings.
Found footage.
Miller, who has been making the media rounds to promote her recent role as Tippi Hedren in the HBO movie about Alfred Hitchcock’s ladypiece The Girl, shared her glowing ruminations on her brand-spankin’ new motherhood-badge in an interview with Harper’s Bazaar UK:
[On birth:] “I would do that day a million times again. I would do that day, every day. I loved it.”
“My body’s a completely different thing to me, it’s not mine — all the attachment to its flaws or any aesthetic attachment is gone,”
“You understand what breasts are for; and I have such enormous respect for my body because of what it can do.”
“I’d expected that she’d be this extension of me and I’d instantly understand who she was because she’d come from me, and then you realize that they are their own people entirely,”
Even the heartiest of mothers might run screaming at the idea of giving birth every day. I would eat cookies every day. I would put on clean underwear every day. I would walk around the block every day, maybe. I would not jam a grape down a drinking straw every day, no matter how many cuddly-snuggle endorphins I got afterwards. I appreciate the positive sentiment Sienna Miller, and understand that this is coming from someone who has also experienced a relatively magical firing of the vagina cannon, but I think you might be on drugs. Tone it back just a hair.
Every. Day.
(Also: how is the math going to work on that? Trip to the boneyards in the morning, constrictions at noon, hitting the cribsheets by midnight? I don’t think you’re going to have time to attend your script reading. Or go to the bathroom.)
First celebrities have to be better looking and richer than all of us and now they’re perfect, blissfully happy parents? What is the world coming to? And Sienna Miller has the chutzpah to empower the female body for something other than it’s aesthetic appearance?! SHEESH. Not every woman gets the butterfly-surfboard yogi-led birth experience of her dreams and okay, Sienna may be a tad overenthusiastic, but when it comes to seeing adult women who are happy and fulfilled by the life choices they are making – and proud of the strong bodies they live in – I am willing to overlook the slightly wacky exterior and give her heart two big, hormone-filled thumbs up.
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About Jamie Jamerson
