Merry early Christmas, everyone! My gift to you this year: a one-way ticket on 2012′s Bat Shit Crazy Express, destination Ughville, population all the celebrities everywhere this year with the exception of Betty White. Because Betty White is A SAINT, y’all. CLEARLY.
Narrowing this field of epic disasters down was difficult to say the least, but these three celebrities rose to the top of the pack (or sank to the bottom of it, depending on your perspective and angle of approach). So without further ado, here are the Top Three Celebrity Train Wrecks of 2012 (choo! choo!):
Kim Kardashian and Kanye West
Sing me a siren song… Or don’t. Actually, now that I think about it, PLEASE don’t.
After shedding her fifteen second marriage to basketball player Kris Humphries, Kim Kardashian took her love life off the fields and courts of professional sports and slam-dunked her ample booty straight into the arms of music’s most pompous douchebag, Kanye West. And while this relationship hasn’t hit the skids yet (but it’s still early in the day!), it undoubtedly will. Because if fame whoring celebrity couples of the past have taught us one thing, it’s that all that ego crammed into one tiny, superficial relationship is bound to not end well. I mean, did Bennifer teach us NOTHING?!?
Lindsay Lohan
“Hands down, my daughter had the best school photo of 2011.” -Dina Lohan
2012 has truly been Lindsay Lohan‘s Charlie Sheen Year (big ups, 2011, big ups!). The laundry list of WTFs attributed to this pop tartlet could wrap itself around the planet no less than 3,534 times without including anything she did prior to the past 353 days (and I’m being generous with that figure, let’s be real). Primed for redemption early in the year, LiLo turned what could have been a shining moment — her hosting gig on SNL – into yet another cringeworthy disaster, and the rest of the year was just a blur of embarrassing missteps, public brawls, and unfortunate accidents. (Which reminds me: Linds, STOP CRASHING THE PORSCHE ALREADY. GAWD.)
Miley Cyrus
Do I look like a Breaking Bad character yet?
First Miley Cyrus ditched the enterprise that put her on the map, then she ditched breast support (we, as a society, have never been as exposed to side boob as we have with her this year, and taking into account the existence of Madonna and JLo, that’s saying something). And though the anticipation of a major nip-slip keeps us in eyerolling, it’s Miley’s EPIC HAIRDO FAIL that puts her at the top of my Train Wreck list for 2012. I personally blame Skrillex for giving the green light to everyone, including da impressionable young womenz, to start shaving parts of their head hairs off all crazy-pants-like and willy-nilly. Call me old fashioned, but I’m of the opinion that looking like you got into a bar fight with an electric razor doesn’t make you “edgy” or “cool.” It just makes you look like… you got into a bar fight with an electric razor. In conclusion, YOU KIDS GET OFF MY LAWN.
Who are some of the standout celebrity train wrecks that had you glued to the window seat of the track-side cafe this year?
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