I’m pretty sure a lot of you just thought to yourselves, “Butt implant? What now?” Yeah, apparently people get butt implants. And like most cosmetic surgeries, butt implant surgery can go HORRIBLY, HORRIBLY WRONG.
Last week, a video hit Facebook featuring a woman (who will only ever be identified by her awesome tribal tramp-stamp and the fact that her ass is broken) and her inside-out butt implant. That’s right, I SAID INSIDE OUT.
First of all – it should go without saying that this video is NSFW, unless deformed ass cheeks are an acceptable screensaver at your place of employment. And second…seriously – don’t watch this video if you’re squeamish because this is so fucking gross.
Okay, are you alright? Need a moment to compose yourself? Vomit? We good? Okay. Now, the worst part, this shit is REAL, according to the Daily Mail Online:
It is difficult to establish whether the video is genuine and no details are known about which clinic the woman went to or exactly what type of procedure she had.
But BAAPS (British Association of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons) member Adrian Richards, a consultant plastic surgeon at Aurora Clinics in the UK, believes the clip is authentic.
DEAR LORD. Okay, let’s just start at the beginning here. This chick thought that, for some reason, her ass wasn’t large enough. In the video, it seems she indeed has an ass that is abundant beneath the implant. What ever happened to shapewear? Jeans that lift and give that “ass for days” appearance? No good? Oh, okay…so go ahead and stick some foreign object in your butt skin and we’ll call it a day. TO EACH THEIR OWN.
However, the murmur on the street is that is was more than likely one of the, shall we say, “wrong side of the tracks” clinics that doesn’t necessarily have a license or even is a clinic but is just some dude with Tupperware, nitrous oxide and some spare time. The woman’s comment of, “I don’t think an implant’s supposed to do that,” alludes to the fact that she’s not necessarily pleased with the outcome. (I also “don’t think” you’re supposed to put plastic in your ass to make it bigger either, but I’ll let that one slide.) Thus, this video is an important reminder to explicitly tell our kids that you shouldn’t have plastic surgery performed at someone’s apartment or by a guy whose “diploma” was drawn on the back of a Denny’s place mat. Obviously, when you skip over the finer details and just give broad life lessons about being kind and chewing with your mouth closed, stuff like how and where to get butt implants falls through the cracks. Or the crack, as the case may be. (Sorry, I’ll see myself out.)
What’s worse, is that now I don’t trust anyone’s ass. Like, say…Kim Kardashian. Or Nicki Minaj. I may have doubted their validity before, but now? ARE THEY EVEN REAL?! I JUST DON’T KNOW.
Wise words, Bell Biv Devoe. Wise beyond your years.