Like the rest of us, I’m sure you’ve been following the Manti Te’o story. A tale with more twists than a bag of pretzels *or* The Crying Game, Manti’s fake dead girlfriend turned out to be a man named Ronaiah Tuiasosopo, who according to his attorney Milton Grimes not only masterminded the entire hoax, but also played the role of Lennay Kekua for over three years. Lots of actors in Hollywood could learn a thing or two from Tuiasosopo about commitment to a character, people. Just sayin’.
The whole saga has left many of us asking one question: when’s Manti’s biopic coming out? A LOT of great possible titles for it out there, don’t you think? Here are a few suggestions, submitted for the screenwriter-to-be’s approval:
1. Fantasy Football
I like this title. It’s straightforward. Honest. All encompassing. Plus, if he’s still on the board I’d definitely pick him. I don’t even care if he doesn’t get drafted. Because Manti’s fantasy game is beyond comprehension.
2. Fucking Snuffaluffagus
Big Bird knows — all you gotta do is believe. I know. A bit crass, so maybe it’d have to be on Showtime or something. But I’ve always had a soft spot for Snuffy. Being Big Bird’s imaginary pal seemed like a lonely job to me, so I definitely wanted to include him.
Let’s break for a quick Teoing session, shall we?
Okay, moving right along.
3. Manti PreTe’o to be your girlfriend? #PrettyPlease
I promise to be super hot, albeit a bit hard to meet up with. But we can FaceTime whenever you want. Sometimes people can’t see me, though. It’s weird. Does your phone do that?
4. Lookin’ for love in all the wrong Facebook profiles
You know, take this exact same story, but set it in Wyoming and make it like this epic country-musical about social media savvy cowboys.
5. Fantasy Hawaiian
Didn’t Tupac tour a couple three years ago? Surely they could do that same holograph deal with Herve’ Villechaize. I mean, that arrangement’s totally theme appropriate, plus I have a feeling that Herve’ and Manti’s on-camera chemistry would be electric.
We’ll need some music, and unless we go with that Wyoming cowboy idea, Milli Vanilli strikes me as an obvious choice to compose the soundtrack. That’s another one of those theme appropriate deals. Those dudes were kick ass at pretending.
Oh shit, that won’t work, because that one guy’s dead.
Or is he?