So we need to talk about American Horror Story: Asylum for a minute. Or I do, anyway. (NOTE: Spoilers be lurking.)
It’s hard to believe that after all those months of freaky-ass teaser videos, we’re now down to the wire, with only three episodes left. In the meantime, it’s been a delightfully uncomfy blur of…(hold up, this might take awhile)…let’s see: Nazis, aliens, serial killers, sons of serial killers, homemade zombies, torture, rape, lobotomies, electroshock, racism, sexism, homophobia, botched coat hanger abortions, demon possession, the Angel of Death, Fake Anne Frank, Cannibal Santas Claus, nun-on-nun caning, nun-on-priest rape and That Time Adam Levine’s Arm Got Ripped Off.
And of course, absolutely FABULOUS song-and-dance numbers!
Oh my God. That actually happened. Believe it!
And that sound you may have heard right after that aired was every other television actress collectively sighing “SHIT” because no one else is going to win any awards this year. Jessica Lange is a gorgeous gift direct from heaven and I’ve probably watched that video a good dozen times already. It’s just so fun while still delightfully fucked up. Like everything in the AHS universe, I suppose.
I was very, very worried about this season for a few episodes, honestly. Sure, it was wild and wacky and cringe-worthy and disturbing and basically like Season One on ‘roids, but…you know. It definitely had that careening-off-a-cliff sense that there was NO WAY any of this would come together in any satisfying sort of fashion, right?
And then Ryan Murphy last week shot the zombies, tossed the devil over a railing and cooked a Nazi in an oven. HOW YOU LIKE YOUR RESOLUTION NOW, BITCHES?
(Once more, with feeling. BECAUSE IMPORTANT.)
So I’ve basically tossed my hands up in the air at this point and rededicated myself to simply enjoying the crazy ride that is AHS, wherever it takes us, roller-coaster style. Don’t ask too many questions, don’t think about any of it too hard (except for all that serious business stuff about prejudice and the patriarchy and how the 1960s really kind of sucked for anyone who wasn’t a straight white male and/or a Nazi). And never, ever forget that Pepper? Pepper is the BEST.
Also important: While that IS a shitload of makeup and prosthetics…
…that’s NOT a bald cap.
P.S. American Horror Story season three is a go, and it sounds like Jessica Lange will indeed be involved. Ryan Murphy has hinted that the next season will go somewhere in the country where “true horror has been” and that last week’s episode contained a clue. Eagle-eyed viewers scanned the jukebox titles and think we’ll be headed to New Orleans. WHEEEEEEE!