Ashton Kutcher is An Actor. While possibly better known to the youngsters in the audience as the guy in the Nikon commercials who was babysat by Demi Moore for a few years before she grounded him off Twitter, the truth is that Ashton Kutcher is first and foremost An Actor who Cares Deeply and Feels Things about The Craft. One only needs to look at his stunning turns as Kelso on That 70s Show and…um…Dude #1 from Dude, Where’s My Car? to see that the man was really committed to the art of playing potheads in movies and shows with stupid titles. (See also: Punk’d)
And of course, no post about Ashton Kutcher would be complete without a mention of his work on Two and a Half Men. So. There. I mentioned it. (Now don’t ever make me acknowledge that show again.)
But the Kutch (as I like to call him) has been getting a fair amount of attention for his role in the upcoming Steve Jobs‘ biopic, jOBS. While a lot of people, when hearing that Ashton Kutcher would be playing Steve Jobs, were like, ??? and bwuh? and haaaaaa, good one, Foreman, I actually think this role is perfect for his oeuvre. I mean, it’s called jOBS, with the weird capitalization and everything. That’s a stupid title.
There’s actually ANOTHER Steve Jobs biopic in the works, one that was apparently commissioned/blessed by Jobs himself before his death in 2011, and will be written by Aaron Sorkin (SPOILER ALERT: everything bad that happens to Apple is the fault of bloggers; awful, terrible meanie-hat bloggers). But for now, it’s jOBS turn, so Ashton Kutcher would like us to know that he took this role V. V. SRSLY, going as far as to try the “fruitarian” diet, which the real Steve Jobs followed for awhile.
(Being a true fruitarian, by the way, requires more than simply eating nothing but fruit. It’s like being on a perpetual juice cleanse only with more foraging and a LOT more ingredient-limiting. You can only eat what falls naturally from a plant. If eating the fruit or seeds harms or kills the plant in any way, you will totes be arrested by the Vegan Police.)
Anyway, fruitarianism did not work out too well for the Kutch, apparently:
Kutcher says that he started a fruit-only diet to prepare to play the Apple co-founder for the biopic jOBS, which premiered Friday night at the Sundance Film Festival.
The diet, which the film claims Jobs adhered to, ended up sending Kutcher to the hospital with pancreas problems.
“First of all, the fruitarian diet can lead to like severe issues,” Kutcher said after the film’s screening. “I went to the hospital like two days before we started shooting the movie. I was like doubled over in pain.
“My pancreas levels were completely out of whack,” Kutcher added. “It was really terrifying … considering everything.”
Jobs died of pancreatic cancer on Oct. 5, 2011.
DUN DUN DUUUUUUN.
Protip: Leave the method acting to the grown-ups, Ashton.
Here’s a clip from
iJOBS jOBS, if you’re at all interested. And you should be. Don’t you know Ashton Kutcher like almost totally died making this movie for you? GOD, JACKIE, WHY CAN’T YOU EVER JUST BE HAPPY?