Well, 2013 is already in full swing, but 2012 had one final kick to the balls and ego (and the balls of the ego if egos have balls) in store for one movie and “star” before the New Years ball dropped. Christian Slater‘s newest movie, Playback, just grossed a sweeeeeeeeet $264, making it the lowest earning movie of 2012.
Here’s the trailer:
It’s like ‘The Ring’ and ‘The Amityville Horror’ had a baby and then abandoned that baby at a convention for emotionally disturbed screenwriters.
OUCH. Now, keep in mind, the movie (which cost over $7 million to make) was only open for 1 week in 1 theater, which would have made me feel a little better personally, if it wasn’t for the fact that $252 of that outstanding take was all on opening night.
Though this is the smallest amount that a major movie made in 2012, it’s not the biggest flop. That honor belongs to the cinematic catastrophe that was The Oogieloves in the BIG Balloon Adventure. Normally, here is where I would would post a trailer for that movie, but my sense of decency, my irrational hatred of the thought process that must have went into this movie, and a recent amendment to the tenants of the Geneva Convention prevent me from doing so. (But here’s a link to the trailer, if you’re feeling particularly masochistic.)
Staring at this for an extended amount of time will have the same effect of the tape alluded to in Playback.
Anyway, back to Playback. So now that ol’ Christian Slater has got $264 burning a hole in his pocket, and TBS will DEFINITELY not be picking up the unused episodes of My Own Worst Enemy, what could he do with his new-found dozens of dollars?
What’s that? You’re asking me? That’s awfully nice of you.
Christian Slater could now be the proud owner of:
27 copies of the double feature edition of Bed of Roses and Pump Up the Volume
48 Will Scarlett action figures.
29 Tombstone Pizzas to enjoy while watching Kuffs, since you can get that for free EVERYWHERE.
89 fake fingers to recreate that scene from Heathers.
I hope this helps, Christian.
Do you folks have any good ideas for how to spend $264? Should we tell Christian, that the $264 is probably going to the producer? Or should we all chip in and get him a couple of copies of Broken Arrow? Leave your fiscally sound suggestions below.
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About Joe Lyons
