Now that the holidays are over and your New Year’s Eve hangover is (I hope) subsiding, it’s time to get back to the norm. Take down the tree, get back to work, and watch some new reality television!
Since producers know you’ve got nowhere else to be but sitting on your couch covered in a snuggie, three blankets, and leftover gingerbread cookies, they’ve brought out only their best and the finest in reality programming. Here’s a preview of the upcoming reality TV offerings:
Thursday, Jan. 3 @ 10/9 CST
One word: Rednecks. This show seems to be the dirty love child from a COPS + Jersey Shore + Jackass three-way. Set in West Virginia, it’s got everything you’d expect; partyin’, fightin’, muddin’, and an intermittent need for subtitles. Like, think Gummo but a rated PG-13 version. Just watch the trailer.
I think they show one of the parents in the trailer, right? HOW PROUD THEY MUST BE.
King of the Nerds (TBS)
Thursday, Jan. 17 @10/9 CST
Honestly? I’m very excited about this show, as I am a true nerd at heart. Hosted by Robert Carradine (of Revenge of the Nerds fame) and Curtis Armstrong (also of Revenge of the Nerds fame, aka Booger), this show is essentially eleven nerds living together and competing against each other to be crowned the king nerd. Strangely, when I say “living together” it’s not in one of their mother’s basements. Odd. Competitors range in age from 22-28 years old, such as Virgil, who is “a master hacker studying brain science who loves colorful socks” and Brandon, “a Vanderbilt University PhD student and aspiring neuroscientist who can also rap”. And they mention LARPing in the show’s description. WHAT COULD BE BETTER?
The Taste (ABC)
Tuesday, Jan. 22 @ 8/7 CST
If you’ve never had cable before, here’s your chance to experience Anthony Bourdain (in his censored, primetime format). He, along with chefs/food celebrities Nigella Lawson, Ludo Lefebvre, and Brian Malarkey, will mentor aspiring/semi-professional chefs who then compete against each other and face elimination with blind taste testings of their creations. So, kind of like The Voice? But blindfolded? I don’t know. It doesn’t really matter. Bourdain fangirl, party of one. I’ll watch no matter what he’s doing.
Celebrity Diving (ABC)
Tuesday, Mar. 19 @ 8/7 CST
You read that correctly. CELEBRITY. DIVING. This is already a total shit show and I haven’t even seen an episode yet. Based on the UK hit show Celebrity Splash, this is like Dancing With The Stars, except with the possibility of a massive head-wound or drowning. According to the show’s description, the celebs involved will have weeks of training under their belts (FINE, LAWYERS), but wouldn’t it be so much more awesome if there was no training? Sigh. One can dream. No word yet on who the celebs will be, but I have my hopes set for Linsday Lohan and Rosanne Barr.