I can’t tell if you’re walking toward me or away from me.
Just when I thought I couldn’t take this wiggity, wiggity, wiggity wack existence any longer, a ray of light shone down from the heavens in the form of a TMZ article. Kris Kross are reuniting to perform at the 20th anniversary celebration of their former record label, So So Def Records.
It’s been 21 years since they became stars with their hit single “Jump” and whoa, I’m passing out. Hold on. Talk amongst yourselves. I’ll give you a topic: the picture of what they look like now is a tad mind-blowing.
Does this realization make me look old?
The duo aren’t technically one hit wonders. Their debut album had a number of other very successful singles and their second and third albums reached platinum and gold status, respectively. But they had become successful as baby-faced teenagers, so it felt weird seeing them older and more, um, knowledgeable in the ways of love, like in their 1996 single, “Tonite’s Tha Night.”
But! It’s cool that they’re reuniting for this occasion, and we should all celebrate their return. Here are some ideas for the Kris Kross Reunion party that I know you’re going to throw:
1. Dress up as yourself circa 1992
For me this would entail cutting my own bangs, which I am in no way qualified to do, donning some braces, tucking my shirt into my mom jeans, and getting harassed by the small-minded shitheads at the suburban high school that I attended for 9th and 10th grades. I was basically the ERMAHGERD girl.
2. Wear your clothes backwards
This is an obvious one. But just think how cool your kids will think you are and how hilarious your co-workers will find it. Maybe it will come back as A Thing! Instead of Hawaiian Shirt Day, your company will start having Totally Krossed Out Day! Your suit will look so fun and your clients won’t lose any respect for you at all!
3. Take the backwards thing to extremes
Why stop at wearing your clothes backwards? Drive to work backwards. Talk to the cops backwards. Ask your spouse to bail you out backwards. Eat dessert first!
4. Make some Kriss-Kross-themed dishes
Develop a recipe for Miggity Miggity Miggity Miggity Mac and Cheese! Something like:
2 Tbsp butter
2 Tbsp flour
2 cups half-and-half
2 cups macaroni
2 cups shredded cheddar cheese
8,000 cups of dopeness
Directions:
Step 1: Warm it up, Chris. (I’m about to.)
Step 2: Boil noodles. Make a roux. Stir in half-and-half and cheese. Add noodles and dopeness. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump.
About Kelly Delaney
