Did you hear that the film, Argo–the one about the Iranian hostage crises and the wham-bam-super-ninja-MERCA way we were able to rescue them–got nominated for an Academy Award? I was excited despite the fact that I’ve never seen the movie. I feel like Ben Affleck‘s beard alone is worthy of recognition. Plus, seeing the previews a few hundred times during American Pickers marathons basically counts, so whatever.
Be cool, man. BE COOL.
Anyway, there is one dude in particular who is less than thrilled about the fact that 1: this movie was made, and 2: it’s getting nominated for an Oscar. That would be the Supreme Leader of Iran. Who….erm, I think is Ali Khamenei. But there’s also like, three presidents, including the Members Only Jacket Wearing Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. I dunno, I wikipedia-ed it, but I’m still confused. All I know is Iranians be all AW HELL NAH about this Argo bidness. None of it’s surprising, since they don’t believe homosexuals exist in their country, remember? I imagine a movie about them being humongous dicks and stuff wouldn’t sit well either.
Two tickets to paradise, pls.
Their response? To make a movie that is ALSO about this (air quotes) “hostage situation” that took place back between 1979 and 1981. The state-run news, Mehr News Agency, reported today:
The movie entitled The General Staff is about the 20 American hostages who were delivered to the United States by the revolutionaries,” director Ataollah Salmanian told the Persian service of MNA on Tuesday.
“This film, which will be a big production, should be an appropriate response to the ahistoric film Argo,” he added.
Argo, which is directed by Ben Affleck, who also stars in the film, was officially viewed in Iran as an “anti-Iranian” film, MNA noted. It has received seven Academy Award nominations, including for best picture.
She said AHISTORIC! Burrrrrrrn!
They went on to mention that “eyewitnesses” will be used to create an “accurate” version of the situation that took place over nearly 500 days at the Tehran American Embassy decades ago. I’m guessing some of these eyewitnesses will include the now-deceased Ayatollah Khomeini, non-existent Iranian sympathizers, a few unicorns, and maybe that jackass Ahmadinejad, who was probably like 7 and busy suppressing his homosexuality at the time.
Hitting theaters in 2015. NO WIMMENZ ALLOWED.
My imagination is really getting squirrely with possibilities, here, but I imagine this movie may end up being full of great CGI and tell the story of how Iran saved the world from a bunch of American cyborgs played by Michael Moore lookalikes, all with the help of mythical creatures sporting debonair mustaches.
Hell, I think I kinda wanna see it.
About Kristine Cook
