Okay, remember way back when Randy Quaid and his wife Evi Quaid were spewing the crazy from a couple issues of Esquire and Vanity Fair? Talking about how their lives were being threatened by a group of “Star Whackers” who were responsible for the deaths of Heath Leger and David Carradine? So they ran to Canada for exile? And then like, six months later Randy was singing about his “Star Wackers” issues in a Vancouver bar?
CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS SHIT IS STILL GOING ON?
Apparently our friend Randy is having some serious issues being granted permanent residence status in Canada. While this is not necessarily breaking news, the new eruption of total-batshit-insanity coming out of their mouths is far to epic to be ignored.
That beard is made out of fear. No joke.
It’s been over two years since Randy claimed he was legally able to stay in Canada, yet Immigration Canada just denied his request on Friday. To make things more difficult for Cousin Eddie, CBC News is reporting:
The federal Refugee Protection Division has also refused to let the one-time Oscar nominee reinstate a claim in which he alleged he and his wife were the target of so-called Hollywood “star-whackers.”
Awww. Nobody believes you guys. Not even Canada. That’s gotta be rough.
All of this is stemming from a notice of withdrawal that Randy filed, basically saying “just kidding I don’t really want to have a guarantee to stay here.” Which is course, he didn’t really mean to file, youse guise. Because he didn’t know what he was doing.
No. Really.
“He never intended to withdraw his refugee claim,” the documents state. “His wife suffers from dyslexia and post-traumatic stress disorder and she reacted out of fear when she completed the withdrawal form.”
I mean, SHE’S DYSLEXIC. OF COURSE things went awry.
*cough*
HAVE NO FEAR! The Quaids have appealed the ruling! Commence non-sensical Quaidian legal jargon!
Evi and Randy Quaid have been subjected to an injustice. Their claim has not been heard. They fear for their lives from real criminals of organized crime and have asked to be protected by Canada until the claim is heard, just like any other refugees.
This actually appeared in a document filed in court. I can’t even. ”Real criminals of organized crime?” That whole “real” point is kind of sticky since YOU’RE THE ONLY ONES WHO THINK THAT.
Alright, back to the good stuff. Run on sentences and D movie references…BEGIN!
…Organized crime and its victims are serious issues and can not be tossed off until the claim is heard. The refugee claims should remain intact as should Evi and Randy Quaid’s heads remain attached to their necks and it is their firm belief that their lives are at stake and being rackateered on. They rely on Canada’s protection to remain alive. The Quaid’s claim is not Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle. Evi and Randy Quaids [sic] lives are in danger here!
Yeah. That last paragraph actually happened.
Really, all of this goes back to the fact that they’re both wanted criminals in the state of California on felony and misdemeanor charges stemming back to late 2010, before any of this “star-wackers” nonsense began. Right. Now this insane need to be Canadian citizens is making SO much more sense.
Regardless, part of me is all, like: Quaids. Please utilize your lawyer. If you’re so a-scurred, get some real legalese in there and get this taken care of.
However, the other part of me that loves watching celebrities totally self-destruct is like: Quaids. You’re doing a great job. Continue to stay away from lawyers, because chances are they’re star-wackers too.
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