Oh Samuel L. Jackson. In addition to being a pretty great actor (ahem ahem, Django Unchained), he’s an all around entertaining human. He’s a true delight on twitter; he recapped the Olympics with hilariously spicy verve; he helps remind our darling children to go the fuck to sleep – and now he sings Taylor Swift songs. Hell, he even made those Siri commercials more tolerable! Plus, he hates snakes! Is there anything in this world Samuel L. Jackson can’t improve with a hefty, spiritually-cleansing dose of curse words?
Samuel L. Jackson visited the London Capital Radio studio last week and agreed to lend his trademark voice to Taylor Swift’s “We Are Never, Ever, Ever Getting Back Together,” the chosen soundtrack of weepy, empowered people in pink sweatshirts everywhere. And of course, he just couldn’t let the moment pass without adding a smattering of popular “catchphrases” for emphasis:
“You go talk to your dumbass friend… but we are never, ever, ever, ever getting back together you lying, cheating, piece of shit.”
YOU TELL ‘EM NEW AND IMPROVED TAYLOR, YOU TELL THAT CHEATER GOOD. Looks like we’ve finally found the angry, adult-content edge that’s been missing from the ever-PG-rated Taylor Swift experience. I know some people love that she’s a respectable young star for our kids to look up to, and that’s fine, but I personally am not 12; I’m a grown-ass adult woman and I have needs.
If Samuel Jackson can fix Taylor Swift there’s no end to the potential of his voice-over powers. What mind-numbingly dull parts of our lives can we enlist him to enhance next?! Those awkward new seductive Target commercials? Corporate conference calls? Our looming national debt crisis? The possibilities are endless!
Samuel L. Jackson is more than just an award-winning actor and the 1999 Hasty Pudding Man of the Year (though he was also Hasty Pudding Man of the Year, just so you know). The powers of his voice alone offer more positive, comedic outflow than the cumulative careers of half of Hollywood (and Taylor Swift) combined.
Should he be the new R-rated Mike Rowe and leave his mark all over our eardrums? Is he up to the challenge of the Biebs himself? Share: What mundane drivel would you like to see Samuel L. Jackson’s smooth-jazz voice tackle next?