No, it’s not a sequel to the blockbuster movie. Because that’s already been done and it was PERFECT.
And by “perfect” I mean awful. This movie will make you sterile.
The sequel I’m referring to is the sequel to the actual ship. You know the one? Built in 1912? Declared unsinkable, then sank on her maiden voyage? Killed about 1500 people? Yeah, THAT one.
Plans are already being put into place to rebuild the ship and send it off on it’s original intended course in late 2016. ‘Titanic II‘ is the dream project of Australian gajillionaire Clive Palmer, who has already declared ‘Titanic II’ “the most safe cruise ship in the world.” Here’s Clive from a stock photo of him slapping a black cat with a broken mirror under a ladder.
Not pictured: the cracks he’s stepping on.
The voyage will feature three separate class-tiers (that’s right, you can pay to make sure you live out your doomed-Irishman dream experience), early 20th century garb, and other amenities popularized by James Cameron’s blockbuster film. Palmer himself has said that he will be spending the maiden voyage of ‘Titanic II’ with the third-class folks, maybe “twiddling a fiddle like Leonardo DiCaprio did in the film.”
First of all, I had an uncle who spent a lot of time in jail for twiddling on a boat. Second of all, you do realize that the movie Titanic was not a documentary, right? Leonardo DiCaprio is alive and well and making movies still, I promise.
I’m going to go ahead and preemptively ask that no one create the “Django Unchained Plantation Experience” right now. Thanks.
According to Palmer, not only will ‘Titanic II’ be “carrying the hopes and dreams of people everywhere” (eye roll), he’s already got people lining up willing to pay up to 1 MILLION DOLLARS to possibly die ironically on his boat.
Honestly, this seems like its a bit in bad taste, doesn’t it? And I say this as someone who has a spectacular amount of tolerance when it comes to bad taste. I mean, Palmer is spending the GDP of Portugal to recreate one of the biggest tragedies of the 20th Century and essentially turn it into something from the Universal Studios tour. This isn’t about recreating a piece of history, it’s about giving people who have more money than they know what to do with the opportunity to be drawn like one of your French girls.
That’ll be $45.00. NEXT!
What do you think? Is building ‘Titanic II’ a legitimate attempt to make right one of the modern era’s biggest catastrophes? Or is this just another attempt to prey on clueless people who think that James Cameron’s Titanic was a found-footage movie? Is it disrespectful or is it harmless fun for the moderately wealthy? More importantly, will it be wrong to laugh snarkily at any problem a boat that dares to be named ‘Titanic II’ will inevitably face? Leave your water-logged thoughts below.
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