If you were watching the Oscars last night, you may have noticed our sad little vampire Kristen Stewart hobbling around the red carpet on some crutches. She even hop-walked on stage next to Daniel Radcliffe to present the “Best Production Design Award.”
Apparently, Kristen had severely cut her foot on glass a few days earlier. I’m just going to assume it was from a broken mirror, because she’s had PLENTY of bad luck in the last few days.
Let’s start a few days ago, when Kristen was voted “‘the most unsexy Hollywood actress’ by a UK “Gadget site”; some reports have even called her the “Ugliest Celeb” according to the poll. Now, let me address this by saying that there are merely a handful of celebrities I would call unattractive – like say…Steve Buschemi. However, where he lacks in looks, he makes up in acting. Of course, he’s not an actress, but see where I’m going with this? Is Kristen Stewart ugly? By most standards, probably no. Does she make the same expressionless face and speak in the same mono-tone voice in every movie she’s ever been in? Yes, yes she does. Does this make her “unsexy?” Possibly. Regardless, it has to be a shocker to wake up one morning and read that the entire male population of an European country claims to find you unattractive.
Then there was the Razzies, which were announced less than 24 hours before her appearance on Oscar’s Red Carpet. For those unfamiliar with the Razzies, they’re the shitty movie awards equivalent to the Oscars. And if Adam Sandler hadn’t created stinker That’s My Boy or Rhianna hadn’t starred in Battleship, it probably would have been a clean sweep for Kristen and gang from Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2. Their film won seven of ten awards up for grabs, including Worst Picture, Actress, Supporting Actor (Taylor Lautner), Screen Couple (Lautner and 12 year-old Mackenzie Foy), Screen Ensemble, Remake/Rip-Off or Sequel and Worst Director.
Poor, poor K-Stew.
Finally, there are rumors spreading that Kristen and her beau Robert Pattinson aren’t even together anymore (insert collective gasps from the three people who still actually give a shit), and that they are simply waiting for their award winning WORST FILM OF 2012 to be released on DVD before they make a formal announcement. Let me be the first to say FEEL FREE TO ANNOUNCE WHENEVER, GUYS. The Twi-hards are going to buy that movie regardless of whether or not you guys are swapping spit anymore.
So, there you have it. Kristen Stewart has had an bad week of epic proportions. It might even rival that of Chris Brown a few weeks back. But chin up, K-Stew – at this point IT HAS TO GET BETTER. Unless it turns out you were responsible for Jennifer Lawrence falling up the stairs at the Oscars, I don’t think anyone would fault you for holing up in your house for a few days listening to Eric Carmen’s All By Myself.
You’ll be okay, Kristen. There, there.