Italian fashion house Dolce & Gabbana announced a few days ago that they’re releasing a new perfume, which ordinarily wouldn’t be too noteworthy. But this new perfume is for a particular demographic. As Stefano Gabbana noted in his InstaGram of the new eau, it is “per l bambini.” That means “for babies” in Italian.
The alcohol-free scent has notes of citrus, honey, and melon, which seems like an invitation for people to make good on the claim, “You smell so good I could eat you!” Gabbana elaborated that the inspirations for the scent were:
“The softness of baby skin, the freshness of baby breath, a mother’s sweet hug, [and] the first smile”
It sounds dreamy and probably smells amazing, as Dolce & Gabbana generally knock it out of the park with their perfumes. (Their Light Blue is my favorite of all time.) It would probably be wonderful to wear as an adult.
But spritzing a baby is frankly just so, so bizarre.
On the other hand, we use soaps and lotions on babies that are scented, so maybe it’s not too out there. A freshly bathed baby does smell amazing with that extra dash of soap scent. But this seems to cross some kind of line.
And besides, if D&G really wanted to capture the true scent of a baby, they would need to add notes of sour milk, poop, and cradle cap.
But why stop at babies? Why not create perfumes to enhance the scents of other naturally intoxicating things?
It’s one of the greatest things in the world and causes uncontrollable drooling, but surely we can enhance the smell of bacon, right? LET’S CAUSE A PORK RIOT!
Fresh Dollar Bills
Fresh paper currency from the Mint smells so good. It holds the promise of a momentary reprieve from brokeness. How can we make it better? Stronger? Perhaps make it smell like a Euro?
It’s probably the only thing keeping the world functional at this point, so we really owe it to each other to enhance this miracle fluid. Perhaps while we’re at it we should tweak the formula? Add some PCP?
What other unnecessary olfactory improvements should we make?