Our Lord’s year of 2012 was not kind to former Saved by the Bell star Lark Voorhies. Last May she sent avid gossipers a-gossipin’ when she showed up for a Yahoo! interview looking… well, not quite the fashion-conscious diva we’ve come to expect in the Bayside hallways. By October her mother was giving interviews to the media, claiming Lark was bipolar and, “would frequently stop mid-sentence and stare off, often mumbling to herself or to others who weren’t there.”
Lark Voorhies adamantly refuted her mother’s claims (GOOD IDEA!) …by appearing in a series of increasingly cringe-worthy, disjointed interviews that did at best a mediocre job of convincing anyone she was actually doing okay, and a much better job of convincing people something was slightly off. (BAD IDEA!)
The whole thing was puzzling, perhaps even slightly disconcerting, but not exactly hard-hitting news. Most of us hoped the entire debacle would fade back into the dark gymnasium from whence it came, for everyone’s sake.
But of course, because this is Hollywoodland, a quiet and anticlimactic finale to this situation was just too much to hope for.
Voorhies sat down this week for an exclusive interview with Inside Edition to “set the record straight” (AGAIN) about her mother’s claims that everyone had forgotten about already, and in doing so provided the universe with yet another utterly perplexing, haltingly quipped performance denying all knowledge of the ongoing rumors about her mental health:
Lark came to INSIDE EDITION to tell fans of Saved by the Bell to stop worrying about her. She spoke with INSIDE EDITION’s Jim Moret.
Moret asked, “People have said that you ramble and hear voices?”
Lark said, “No.”
Moret said, “That you’re a different person in the morning than you are at night.
Lark said, “No.”
Sadly, it was clear during our interview that Lark was having a difficult time articulating her thoughts.
Moret asked, “Did you get angry at these reports that portrayed you as off base?”
She said, “No. It has no relevance to me, so it does not relate to me whatsoever. And I do not carry any association with it at all.”
Mmmmmmkay. Consider the issue cleared. Again. I guess?
Unfortunately for the former Lisa Turtle, going on television to tell everyone how crazy you aren’t is typically not the best way to look sane. Also, it helps if you clean yourself up first, practice using sentences with words that mean something, and don’t make… that face. This is not a shining moment for her, and it makes me want to cover my eyes and watch from between my fingers.
So what’s going on here? What can we make of all this strange behavior?
Option #1: Lark Voorhies is quite fine! She’s been attending classes at the William Shatner School of Vocal Patterns, reading from the Politician’s Thesaurus, and borrowed a pair of Tyra’s best crazyeyes. Sooooo maybe she’s go a bit wacky in her old age of 38 years. Who hasn’t? Sheesh, back off, MOM.
Option #2: Lark Voorhies is, in fact, suffering from some kind of mental illness and/or is high as a muthafuckin’ kite, which is not at all funny and quite sad. Back in October her mother seemed fairly genuinely concerned about her health, and she wouldn’t be the first Saved by the Bell star to struggle with life after Bayside.
So maybe she’s dealing with something serious, or maybe she’s not. Or maybe she’s taking caffeine pills, or maybe she’s not! I don’t know how many trampolines we can jump on here, but in any case I can say without question that she should stop giving interviews immediately.
Oh, and also? This.