Scott Disick has once again confirmed longstanding suspicions that he is one of the worst (male) humans ever. Kourtney Kardashian, the most reasonable of all Kardashians, recently birthed the second of her slimey American Psycho wannabe boyfriend’s children, but it appears another go ’round the womb hasn’t heightened Disick’s sympathies for the female experience in the slightest.
On a new episode of one of their terrible Kardashiana shows, Kourtney and Kim Big Booty Dancers (Or Whatever), viewers watched as a postpartum Kourtney struggled to balance motherhood x 2 with her horrible boyfriend’s outrageous expectations of
her body his “piece of machinery.” Do not pass go, did not make that up, direct quote for $10,000:
The drama started when Kourtney stepped onto the bathroom scale while chatting with Disick and sister Kim Kardashian. Upon seeing that his 5-foot-tall girlfriend weighed 115 pounds, Disick asked, “Do you know what you’re supposed to weigh for your average weight for your height?” Kourtney estimated that she should be around 105 pounds … “I feel like 93 is the dream,” Disick said, sighing. “Your body was banging when I first saw you on the beach with that little ass.”
Kourtney initially shrugged off his comments, but Disick continued to needle her about her weight for the rest of the episode. At one point, when Kourtney asked why he cared how much she weighed, he replied, “Why wouldn’t I care? You’re my piece of machinery!”
And that my friends, is the sound of a million mothers everywhere untying their aprons, kicking aside their ironing boards with their bare feet, and thwacking their rolling pins into their open palms.
I realize it’s Scott Disick, so this is not entirely out of his Porky’s wheelhouse, but seriously? You’re going to stand there and body-shame the woman who has borne your two beautiful children about how now she’s a whopping 115 pounds and it’s a real boner-killer FOR YOU? Oh, that must be so hard. Definitely way harder than having your significant other constantly judging your body and openly goading you in to losing weight faster on camera. My heart bleeds for you, Scott.
Don’t worry though, he has theories on why this is happening: “When we had Mason I remember her trying to whip herself back into shape pretty quick. This time … the only thing she thinks about are the kids.” Damn those mothers, always thinking of the children.
By the end of the episode Kourtney was in tears, obviously, because who wouldn’t be. Speaking from post-baby experience, women are hard enough on themselves about their body’s major changes after giving-birth, they don’t need any help piling on the guilt and hormone-fueled emotions from the sidelines.
Not only is Kourtney fighting the standard how’d-that-get-down-there body image issues we all face, given the popularity of celebrity-body bouncy-back stories and commentary it’s safe to assume Kourtney is also battling a ton of outside pressure to rush down to her previous pant size as quickly as possible. After all, she’s got to worry about competing in the next outrageously unrealistic edition of ‘How So-and-So Got Her Body Back.’
So here’s Kourtney Kardashian, actively trying to fitten up, worrying about the state of her assets, and here’s good ol’ Scott by her side to crack the whip and yell, “FASTER! FASTER! YOU’RE LIKE, TOTALLY GROSSING ME OUT.” Would I like to punch him in his goddamn mouth? Yes, yes I would.
And, while it’s entirely possible that his assholishness is all part of their grand Kardashian media empire or an elaborate American coverup by the Illuminati, you can’t tell me that saying those things to the mother of your children, even in jest, isn’t going to get through self-esteem cracks just a leeeetle bit and eat away at her insides. Why she hasn’t yet kicked him to the curb (or in his chemically-peeled face) I can’t possibly fathom.
MAXIMUM UNCOOL. YOU = SHITLIST. We’re done here.