About Avitable

Adam Heath Avitable, aka Avitable, is a humorist, nudist, satirist, misandrist, elitist, and cunning linguist who likes to drink martinis with a twist. When he's not terrifying the world with testicular photography over at Avitable.com, he wastes his law degree by running a business, doing stand-up comedy, and offering free mammograms out of the back of a van. An honorary vagina has been bestowed upon him by the Womens of Teh Internet, and not only because he cries at episodes of Glee and gets his eyebrows waxed monthly.

7 Celebrities Who Can Actually Sing

Bruce Willis and the Return of Bruno

Why is it that in the entertainment industry, everyone feels like they can cross-over from field to field? Actors become singers, singers become actors, actors become authors, authors become . . . well, I guess they just mostly write, but you know what I mean. Can you imagine what would happen if that occurred in [...]

Turbaconepicentipede: Why You Should Be Ashamed Of What You’re Cooking For Thanksgiving Tomorrow

Epic Meal Time

Surely, you’ve heard of Epic Meal Time, the Canadian guys who go to the extreme to make the craziest carnivorous meals out there. If not, go check them out and see some of the concoctions they’ve made, including the following: Deep Fried Waffle Fries – using bacon, Jack Daniels, actual waffles made from bacon batter, [...]

5 Songs To Listen To While You Stuff Your Face On Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving dinner

Thanksgiving is almost here, and it’s probably my least favorite holiday. Why exactly are we celebrating with too much food and stupid sports and an even stupider parade? Just let me work, and let my mail be delivered, and just give me a veritable sh*t-ton of mashed potatoes to eat, okay? Thankfully (see what I [...]

BaconLube: For Porking?

Baconlube

I love Baconnaise, made by the geniuses over at J&D Foods, and I put Bacon Salt on everything I eat. I might say that I literally lust over those crispy little strips of porcine meat, so the release of their new product, Baconlube, may actually be a fantasy come true. Originally beginning as an April [...]

The Music of U2: Achtung Baby Is Twenty Years Old!

Achtung Baby by U2

On November 19th, the greatest album ever released, U2′s Achtung Baby, celebrates its 20th anniversary, a celebration that was marked by the November 1st release of the Achtung Baby Super Deluxe Edition for the low, low price of $130.00. Is it worth it? If the Pope falls in the woods and nobody’s around, does it [...]

Do Women Need A “Mommy” Salary?

Money roll

According to Wendy Luhabe, one of the most influential businesswomen in South Africa, women who choose to stay at home and raise their children should receive a salary.  ”A mommy salary, as a way of giving value to the work of bringing up children, so that ti’s not a resentful choice that women have to [...]

The Top Five Musical Albums That You’ve Probably Never Listened To

Nine Inch Nails - Pretty Hate Machine

For all four years of my generally miserable college experience, I was a college DJ. It was one of the most fun experiences of my life, getting to play music and talk to myself for four hours at a time. As can be expected, I was a bit controversial at times, but overall, I enjoyed [...]