I’m Ready For Everyone To Shut Up About Jessica Simpson’s Weight Already

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Hey! Everyone! Did you know that Jessica Simpson is pregnant? I KNOW, RIGHT? Here’s the thing. A lot of celebrities have had babies in the last few months. Beyonce, Alicia Silverstone, Hillary Duff, Kourtney Kardashian. The ladies find themselves With Child, they develop adorable little beach ball-sized tummies, and their arms stay skinny. Roughly nine [...]

So-So Role Model Kristen Stewart Stonefaces Her Way Through ‘Snow White And The Huntsman’

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Kristen Stewart is a Young Adult Idol. The love interest of Edward Cullen, the perpetual Sad Teenager in every movie ever made. She is equal parts loved and reviled by every teenage girl on the planet. As a mother to a small girl-child, I feel like we could do worse than Kristen Stewart. She seems [...]

Parenting Advice From Some Of Kids’ Movies Creepiest Villains

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Parenting is so hard, y’all! And there are so many books and celebrities and writers and childhood science doctors who want to tell us the best way to do everything. Who should we listen to? All of them? None of them? Here are some parenting tips from some of the creepiest kids’ movie villains around.

Hollywood Is Planning On Ruining Your Kids’ Favorite Boardgames

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There are a lot of terrifying and unsettling things happening to the toys and games of my childhood. They made Strawberry Shortcake hit puberty. My favorite books from grade school have been replaced by lusty vampire stories. And now they have come for my board games.

‘The Lorax’ Delivers Super Meta Message Regarding Conservation And Waste

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Dr. Seuss introduced us to The Lorax for the first time in 1971, with his now world-famous book, creatively titled, The Lorax. One year later, there was a television special made for CBS. I can still remember my parents reading me this book and the nervousness its message caused in me. I would lie in [...]

Chris Brown Adds “Robbery” To The List Of Things He Can Be Proud Of

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Last week in Florida, a woman filed charges against Chris Brown, claiming that he verbally abused her and reached through her car window to snatch a phone out of her hand when she tried to take his picture. Apparently he didn’t want his picture to be put up “on no website.” And it’s a good [...]

A Posthumous Love Letter To Jan Berenstain

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Jan Berenstain, who created The Berenstain Bears with her husband Stan, suffered a stroke and passed away on Friday. She was 88 years old. I bet I don’t know one human adult or child who wouldn’t instantly recognize the smile on Big Brown Bear’s face, or the upward swoop of Beautiful Baboon’s nose in the [...]