About Danielle Vintschger

Danielle, aka Miss Banshee, is a writer, a professional snarker, and your slap bet commissioner. She lives in the great state of New Jersey, enjoys caffeine, cigarettes, making fun of her cats, and never taking herself seriously.

The Bachelor Recap: Season 17, Episode 11 – Finale


Bachelor-Season17-

Oh my beloved little squirrels. We’ve made it. Sean Lowe, the snooziest, most fake “reclaimed” virgin ever, if THAT isn’t the most bullshit thing ever, is going to make his decision between Catherine and Lindsay and if I’M watching three hours of The Bachelor, so are you. Or you could just read this instead. Totes up to you. More »

The Bachelor Recap Season 17 Episode 10: The Women Tell All


Penis. We want it. Sadly. NOT GOING TO HAPPEN WITH THIS JOKER.

This is it. This is what we’ve been waiting for! It’s THE BACHELOR: The Women Tell All! Oh please, ladies. Tell us EVERYTHING. Especially Tierra. Sweet Jeebus, let them lead her out in a straitjacket. THAT WOULD BE SO AWESOME. Harrison introduces the show and of course everyone is already sobbing. This is going to [...]

The Bachelor Recap Season 17 Episode 9: Who Needs A Fantasy Suite When You’re A Born Again Virgin?


Ladies. You? Have lucked out. Thank your lucky stars.

It’s my favorite night, that being FANTASY SUITE night, which usually means sex galore, but with the Snooze they’ll probably end up cuddling under a Slanket and reading the Bible. God, I hate this show. Where’s Harrison? is he already getting sloshed at craft services? I NEED YOU, HARRISON, put down the cruller and the martini and hold me. More »

The Bachelor Recap Season 17 – Sean Lowe Tells All


Diseases galore!!!!

Do we really have to do this? Apparently we do. Sean Lowe, our most beloved Snoozer, is ready to TELL ALL. Whatever, we’re going to talk about Tierra and that really is the only thing that matters. Don’t fret, it’s only one hour. More »

The Bachelor Recap Season 17 Episode 8: Home Sweet Home


Ladies. You? Have lucked out. Thank your lucky stars.

ANOTHER two night Bachelor “event” begins, because ABC wants me to go back to the lunatic asylum. YOU WANT TO PAY MY MEDICAL BILLS, ABC?!?!?

Anyway, we’re back with Sean “The Snooze” Lowe and his band of skeezers. And it’s finally time for home visits! There’s no possible way this could go poorly! More »