Who's Noggined Out? Desperate Mother of 4 year old Seeks Alternative Entertainment Options...

There’s only so much Lazytown a woman can take, don’t you agree? No matter how oddly attractive that Sportacus is, and no matter how many moments you can while away pondering the whole “Why Iceland???” thing, after a while you are simply Noggined and Sprouted out.

It’s simple. There are often times when all I want to do is crash in front of the tube with my four-year old kid. I want to be entertained, and at the same time I don’t want to instigate severe psychological trauma. Like the time when I took him to see Monster House. The first fifteen minutes of that little charmer made me shit my pants.

So I have a running list of Entertainment Options We Can Enjoy As A Family (beyond the usual Disney/Pixar/Dreamworks fayre--and yes, I thought Cars was dead good) and I am willing to share a few of them here.

In return, I beseech you to offer more suggestions.

I am swiftly running out of options, and Pinky Dinky Doo is Dinky Doing my head in.

America’s Funniest Home Videos. Ordinarily, I would steer completely clear of this one. But a choice between this or Cyberchase (shudder) after dinner, and I am enthusiastically cackling along with Tom Bergeron and his canned audience like there's no tomorrow. In this way we teach our son that a series of clips of people slipping, falling, and generally maiming themselves is indeed entertaining, but that a cat singing “Oh Long John” is sublime.

Anything with Tim Allen with it. Again, I was not fully appreciative of the Allen before I became a mama. Now I stalk the “Family” section of our local video store, forraging for items from his ouvre I might have missed. Highly recommended: The Shaggy Dog (I challenge you not to laugh your ass off during the “cat chase” scene) Zoom (girdle, Tim?) and, of course, the critically acclaimed Santa Clause trilogy. I have yet to see Jungle 2 Jungle, but with a high-jinx plot set against the stunning backdrop of the Venezualan rain forest has got to be a winner, yes?

Spy Kids. The first one is excellent, the second also enjoyable. Spy Kids 3-D, Game Over?…eh. notsomuch. This series did rekindle my deep crush on Antonio, which had faltered a little after his marriage to that woman, and, yes, I found that this was a love only to be deepened by Puss!…In Boots. (That Antonio!  He Love The Children!)

Sky High. If your kid is as much into Superheroes as mine is, but Spider-Man and Batman are a bit over their heads, then this one is for you. It’s pretty much the same plotline as The Incredibles but live action. A team of teenage misfit "sidekick" superheroes, who wield weird and uncool superpowers band together to fight evil, and in the process learn that appearances don't matter... it's what's in your heart that counts....  Ok, so it's not exactly original, narratively speaking, but it's fast paced and pretty darn funny.

Look Who’s Talking. This one is beyond me, but my son can’t get enough of that 1989 film right now, and I find it emminently watchable, in a "gazing on a train-wreckage" kind of way. Really, it’s not entirely appropriate for a child in places —not least the opening “sex” scene where Kirstie Alley gets it on with her creepy boss. That’s not the part that bothers me; it’s Bruce Willis leading the pack of male sperm to the blobby and inert (read: female) ovum. Total patriarchal fantasy narrative that privileges masculine agency again (yawn). Luckily my little one seems to be paying good attention when I lecture him on the social construction of gender norms, so no damage done there. Phew! That is, he seems to be listening when he’s not otherwise engaging spidey and superman in hand-on-hand combat.

Dances with the Stars/American Idol.God I wish. (And a word of caution from my husband. Avoid Arthur and The Invisibles on pain of death...  Apparently it is simply too too horrible to bear). So come on. What are your picks? Spill babies, spill.  If I carry on like this, we'll run out of options and we'll be forced to turn of the television and (gasp) go for a bikeride or fly a kite.  You can't let this happen. YOU CAN"T!