Who's Noggined Out? Desperate Mother of 4 year old Seeks Alternative Entertainment Options...

There’s only so much Lazytown a woman can take, don’t you agree? No matter how oddly attractive that Sportacus is, and no matter how many moments you can while away pondering the whole “Why Iceland???” thing, after a while you are simply Noggined and Sprouted out.

It’s simple. There are often times when all I want to do is crash in front of the tube with my four-year old kid. I want to be entertained, and at the same time I don’t want to instigate severe psychological trauma. Like the time when I took him to see Monster House. The first fifteen minutes of that little charmer made me shit my pants.

So I have a running list of Entertainment Options We Can Enjoy As A Family (beyond the usual Disney/Pixar/Dreamworks fayre--and yes, I thought Cars was dead good) and I am willing to share a few of them here.

In return, I beseech you to offer more suggestions.

I am swiftly running out of options, and Pinky Dinky Doo is Dinky Doing my head in.

America’s Funniest Home Videos. Ordinarily, I would steer completely clear of this one. But a choice between this or Cyberchase (shudder) after dinner, and I am enthusiastically cackling along with Tom Bergeron and his canned audience like there's no tomorrow. In this way we teach our son that a series of clips of people slipping, falling, and generally maiming themselves is indeed entertaining, but that a cat singing “Oh Long John” is sublime.

Anything with Tim Allen with it. Again, I was not fully appreciative of the Allen before I became a mama. Now I stalk the “Family” section of our local video store, forraging for items from his ouvre I might have missed. Highly recommended: The Shaggy Dog (I challenge you not to laugh your ass off during the “cat chase” scene) Zoom (girdle, Tim?) and, of course, the critically acclaimed Santa Clause trilogy. I have yet to see Jungle 2 Jungle, but with a high-jinx plot set against the stunning backdrop of the Venezualan rain forest has got to be a winner, yes?

Spy Kids. The first one is excellent, the second also enjoyable. Spy Kids 3-D, Game Over?…eh. notsomuch. This series did rekindle my deep crush on Antonio, which had faltered a little after his marriage to that woman, and, yes, I found that this was a love only to be deepened by Puss!…In Boots. (That Antonio!  He Love The Children!)

Sky High. If your kid is as much into Superheroes as mine is, but Spider-Man and Batman are a bit over their heads, then this one is for you. It’s pretty much the same plotline as The Incredibles but live action. A team of teenage misfit "sidekick" superheroes, who wield weird and uncool superpowers band together to fight evil, and in the process learn that appearances don't matter... it's what's in your heart that counts....  Ok, so it's not exactly original, narratively speaking, but it's fast paced and pretty darn funny.

Look Who’s Talking. This one is beyond me, but my son can’t get enough of that 1989 film right now, and I find it emminently watchable, in a "gazing on a train-wreckage" kind of way. Really, it’s not entirely appropriate for a child in places —not least the opening “sex” scene where Kirstie Alley gets it on with her creepy boss. That’s not the part that bothers me; it’s Bruce Willis leading the pack of male sperm to the blobby and inert (read: female) ovum. Total patriarchal fantasy narrative that privileges masculine agency again (yawn). Luckily my little one seems to be paying good attention when I lecture him on the social construction of gender norms, so no damage done there. Phew! That is, he seems to be listening when he’s not otherwise engaging spidey and superman in hand-on-hand combat.

Dances with the Stars/American Idol.God I wish. (And a word of caution from my husband. Avoid Arthur and The Invisibles on pain of death...  Apparently it is simply too too horrible to bear). So come on. What are your picks? Spill babies, spill.  If I carry on like this, we'll run out of options and we'll be forced to turn of the television and (gasp) go for a bikeride or fly a kite.  You can't let this happen. YOU CAN"T!

Comments

[Bug]

You can't go past 80s classic family movies:

* Labyrinth
* Watcher in the Woods
* Batteries Not Included
* Flight of the Navigator
* The Goonies

Even people who SAY they don't like 80s movies can always quote them, best decade EVER

(oh, and Jungle 2 Jungle's definitely kinda fun)

[dregina]

The Muppet Show - at least Seasons 1 and 2 - are out on DVD. Soooo good.

[dregina]

The Muppet Show - at least Seasons 1 and 2 - is out on DVD. Soooo good.

[Kyla]

Yesterday I tried to get on an inflatable furniture arm chair in my parent's pool and it flipped me over instantly and my 5 year old said "You could be on America's Funniest Home Videos, Mom!" Hahaha. We watch it, too.

Great suggestions!

[Mrs. Davis]

Mythbusters on TLC
The Muppet Movies (my kids like them better than the Muppet Show)
Toy Story and Toy Story 2 (also Tim allen)

We also love Spy Kids and our 7-year-old loves Funniest Home Videos.

[Robbi]

As crazy as it may seem, my four-year-old LOVES to watch Deal or No Deal with us.
Also - Jungle 2 Jungle is AWESOME! Love that movie!

[Marilyn]

AFV is my 7 year old's favorite show. He'd watch it 24 hours a day if I'd let him.

Thanks for some of these ideas. My son is "off track" (he goes to year round school) this month and I'm quickly running out of things to entertain him with.

[Lauri]

strange as it sounds - for our 4 year old, the food network provides hours of entertainment!!! EVERY WEEK NIGHT FOR THE PAST 5 MONTHS at 7pm he insists on watching "Good Eats" with Alton(?) Brown with a chaser of "Unwrapped" ... I now know how every candy bar is made!

[Catherine]

Man Vs Wild. My seven year old loves it, because he likes to imagine he could also survive like that, with nothing but his wits and his teeth as tools, and Bear is pretty yummy.

[tessa]

One Movie... The Best Ever Made...

"The Princess Bride" Cannae be beaten!

[mswas]

The Schoolhouse rock videos are classics, though they do have annoying Chloris Leachman singing and a bunch of kids singing in between the clips.

Trading Spaces has a kids version too. Not sure if a 4 year old would be into it, but my 7 year old is.

[joy]

oooh! what great suggestions. I definitely need to give Jungle 2 Jungle a try too, it seems!
Bug: I completely agree about the 80s movies--and I have fond memories of The Goonies.
And Tessa--if he got into The Princess Bride, my husband would be in Hog Heaven (he can quote that thing verbatim)

Dregina! The Muppet Show! YES! That would take me back, for sure. AM RENTING IT TONIGHT!!! HOW COULD I FORGET!

Lauri--I WISH my son would get into the Food Network, then all my problems would be solved. I have heard once they get older that Alton Brown is a big attraction. Go figure.

thanks much all!

[missbanshee]

In the AFHM vein, the Animal Planet's "Funniest Animals" is a sure bet. Just be careful that you change the channel before "Emergency Vets" or god forbid the animal control cops show comes on, because: SOB.

[Tracey]

my daughter LOVES AFV. no, check that, she LOVES Tom Bergeron, and really LIKES AFV.

seriously, its four-year-old crush tiems now.

[Kaleigh]

Okay, I second a lot of the suggestions above. But my kids are a little older, 8 and 10, so our choices might not work for the preschool set.

We love the Simpsons. Maybe inappropriate, but works for us. The kids also enjoy the same reality shows that the husband and I like. Nothing says "happy family time" better than Survivor.

We're digging baseball movies this week: The Sandlot (there is some cursing...age-appropriate for the characters, who are 10-year-old boys), and The Rookie (or is it Rookie of the Year), about a boy who plays major league baseball.

Food Network (especially Iron Chef) amused my son for years. He's moved on to Rachel Ray, whom I hate, so we don't do that so much anymore. I think he's hypnotized by her boobs.

They also find Xanadu and Grease and such fare very amusing.

[Jo]

First- let me second some ideas above...
I have an almost 4 year old daughter and she LOVES:
-Deal or No Deal (except we call it "The open the case show"
-Princess Bride... it has the word princess... can't go wrong there.
-Simpsons- she is only just now starting to "get it" so we do have to skip some episodes.

Now I'd like to add:
-Early musicals- We can't get enough of Oklahoma, Singing in the Rain, A Chorus Line, etc. Anything with singing and dancing...
-I personally am really loving Backyardigans for the same reason... but maybe that falls under your no Noggin rule... Does Nick count?
-Check out the kids section at the movie store... tons of old Mickey Mouse, even my old favorites like smurfs and He-man!

[cagey]

Wallace and Gromit - the 3 short films (one Oscar nominated, the other two are actual Oscar winners) are just perfect for a 4 year old. Your kid may not make it through the full-length film Curse of the Were-Rabbit, but it's still probably worth a try, too.

[Jenn]

I was going to rec musicals too! Kids love 'em; Annie, Oliver, Newsies, Bednobs & Broomsticks, Pete the Dragon, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, Mary Poppins, Singin in the Rain, Pirates of Penzance,My Fair Lady, Holiday Inn, 7 brides for 7 Brothers, Sound of Music, etc. There are occasional scenes that will go over their heads, but the singing and dancing is big fun. Plus there are a ton of 'em!

[Colleen]

Our 3 YO is WAY into the Muppets. I bought the Time Life collection of 15 DVDs for my husband for Christmas several years back and they have provided (and continue to provide) tons of fun for all of us. That has branched out into several of the Muppet movies, and I'm proud to say our son has his own authentic retro "Mermit" hand-puppet that has a place of honor in his bed. And his favorite t-shirt is the Kermit t-shirt I made on Disney's make-your-own-tee site (sorry, long URL: http://disneyshopping.go.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/CategoryDisplay?catalogId=10002&storeId=10051&categoryId=14902&langId=-1&N=0&Ntk=p_categoryID&Ntt=14902&Nu=p_productID).
We also recently discovered his love of AFV (he laughs hysterically, saying "dats funny, Mommy!" and even though we're not big fans, he gets a kick out of National Bingo ("noooooo bingo, mommy!"). Otherwise we're huge fans of Pixar/Disney/Dreamworks.

[Charley Jo]

My boys (7 & 11) love, love, LOVE AFV which my youngest has always called "The Funny News". Other TV big hits: Mythbusters, Dirty Jobs & Man vs Wild. They also enjoy Dancing with the Stars & AM Idol, but the family fav is really Jeporady. Movies include (from the 7yr old's point of view) any Tim Allen movie, Homeward Bound-even though Mom cries EVERY time-those Beethoven dog movies and the Daffy Duck, Porky Pig etc. videos I got at Target for $1. My older son is really a 62 year old, somewhat grouchy, man shoved in that 11 year old body so we won't want to go into the facination with FDR, Churchill and WWII. Thanks for all the suggestions - one of my kids will be happy!

[Heidi T]

Any musical like Sound of Music, Wizard of Oz. We love AFV.

My 4 year old LOVES Little House on the Prairie. We watch it every day together.

[Izzy]

God Joy! Who knew this was such a HOT topic?

We watch way too much Sprout and Noggin and when that crap isn't on, it's usually HGTV, Planet's Funniest Animals, or some Science Channel stuff.

[Jody]

My 4-year old princess is totally into anything Disney Princess. And (bonus) she's willing to watch them in 30-minute bursts. If your munchkin has withdrawl issues from watching Noggin, a good alternative could be noggin.com. My daughter LOVES to play the games on there.

[margaret]

I have a 2 year old girl. She loves..get this... Ninja Warrior.. on the G4 channel. It's live action set in Japan and men and women go through a very tough obsticle course. They usually end up falling in the water. It has a comic background to it. My husband and I enjoy it too, plus we can read what the commentator is saying and he's pretty funny.

[christi]

Great suggestions all around. We started watching AFV because there's so little that's kid-approprite on in the eves. We now have to fight with our son because he doesn't want to watch it and we do. Bythe time we sit in front of TV, we're too tired to think. He loves Jimmy Neutron. Wants to be him. We don't feel the same way. We love El Tigre, although there is fighting. If that doesn't bother you, Teen Titans is watchable, as well. We pre-screened some Simpsons videos and pick and choose. Our son also loves skateboarding, so we watch Rob & Big on MTV. Horrible, aren't we.