MamaPop Reviews the iPhone

First things first: we're a PC household. My husband is a software architect, and like a lot of hardcore code monkeys out there, programs exclusively for Windows. (I've lusted after a Mac for years now, but alas, the code monkey makes the technology purchases around here.) He also works for a wireless company and gets our cellphones -- pretty much any phone we want -- for free.

So you can imagine my shock when he came home on Monday with an iPhone. That he purchased and paid for himself at the Apple store.

"Happy..uh...something." he said sheepishly.

So what in the world possessed him to cross over to the dark side and plunk down several hundred dollars on a phone we totally do not need?

Simple. Because he spent five damn minutes playing with one at work.

That was all it took to turn an eye-rolling skeptic into a panting, wide-eyed lunatic who HAD TO HAVE AN iPHONE.

(Although it sounds like news of the iPhone's complete sold-out non-availability is a little exaggerated, since Jason just wandered into the nearest Apple store and bought one. Although when I went back yesterday for a dorky protective cover [shut up, I am clumsy] and a car charger, the weary and totally over-the-iPhone employees kept announcing over and over that they get shipments every night, but sell out every morning, so get there early, and please for the love of God stop asking.)

So now I have an iPhone. I will not lie: I like saying that. I HAVE AN iPHONE, MOTHERFUCKERS. It's only a matter of time before I'll be getting totally awesome emails from Lindsay Lohan, I bet.

I was using a BlackBerry Pearl, which is not a piece-of-crap phone by any means. But it didn't quite live up to my expectations, although I was never able to really articulate why I didn't like it. Now I know: because I was expecting something more like the iPhone. The Pearl's mouse-like trackball seemed like a great new breakthrough in mobile Internet browsing, but the fact is a small phone will never be like using a computer, nor should it be. Apple figured this out and...oh dear God, do I dare say it?...decided to Think Different.

The first question I get from people after they realize I'm using an iPhone (after: YOU WHORE I HATE YOU), is whether it really does all that shit they show you in the commercial. You know, zooming around the New York Times' homepage that actually looks just like the homepage and YouTube videos and all that. And yes. It does all that.

The web browser is freaking mind-blowing. It took me forever before I could use it without my jaw dropping and my tongue rolling out. The last time I had a reaction like this to a piece of electronics was the first time I hit the pause button on my brand-new TiVo. Like, holy shit. It's the goddamn Internet. On my phone. Tap and zoom and scroll and resize the page...all with your fingers, with no stripped-down text-only versions of the websites to struggle through. It's easy and intuitive and looks gorgeous. The iPhone will let you surf IMDB and Wikipedia the way God intended and for their true purpose: to settle fights in bars.

And don't even get me started on the whole turn-the-phone-and-the-screen-turns-with-it thing. That fucking rules.

It's not perfect, by any means. The browser doesn't support Flash and has a problem handling any java script that loads after the rest of the page. You can't install apps on the phone (yet?) so forget about opening PDFs or that Flash SuDoKu game. Super media- and animation-heavy sites will still look a little wonky, but hey, I hate those sites anyway. The vast majority of sites work just fine.

YouTube videos look like crap, but that isn't the iPhone's fault. YouTube videos always look like crap. I downloaded an episode of The Office from iTunes (the one where Michael cooks his foot on the George Foreman Grill), and it was like watching the show on an HDTV. Awesome. I wish the phone let me shoot videos. I'm guessing the next version will.

I didn't have any problems activating my phone...although I did regret ignoring all those weeks of "Update Now!" reminders from iTunes, because when I went to get the latest version on Monday the Apple site was totally farked as every single new iPhone owner tried to do the same thing. I was already on AT&T/Cingular...although yeah, you have to extend your contract by another two damn years to use the iPhone. Bitches. I haven't had any problems with applications crashing or losing the network connection. Sometimes the Internet loads a little slowly (but by "slowly" I mean "not instantaneously, but still faster than old skool dial-up"), but overall, this user's experience has been one of joy and love and happy loving vibes for this fucking kick-ass phone.