Big Love Recap

Wow. So...wow. Show of hands, who needed a drink after this finale? 

This episode began kind of abruptly, with Bill speaking at a UEB meeting about Alby. He tells the members that Alby has abused his power and threatened his family. Alby he should be removed from power and have his property and assets reclaimed. The board members are all a little freaked out and agree with Bill that Alby is going overboard, but feel that any major changes at this tumultuous time are a bad, bad idea. Just then, Alby walks in with one of his sons and some henchmen. Alby politely introduces Bill and his son, before demanding that Bill be removed from the compound. On his way out, we hear Alby's son whisper, "That's the bad man, right Daddy?"

At home, Margie and Nicki are working on cookies for the Pioneer Day party and Margie is babbling about how she needs new maternity clothes since she's much more sophisticated since she had Lester. I would guess so, since she's been pregnant for about five years. Nicki snaps that her father's life is hanging by a thread and she can't really be bothered with Margie's maternity fashion crisis. Margie, bless her, seems totally unfazed by Nicki's sharp response or her concern over her father.

At the compound, Adaleen sneaks upstairs to Roman's room which is not currently guarded for some reason. She tiptoes in and finds Roman and the room to be a bit of a mess. She strokes his forehead a little but hears someone with a walkie-talkie approaching so she quickly hides in the closet. In walk Alby and Lura. Adaleen peeks out of the closet door to see Lura administering some drugs into Roman's IV before grasping hands with Alby and saying, "It's so close." Adaleen suddenly realizes that Alby and Lura's intentions aren't all that honorable. Way to be on top of things, Adaleen. When they leave, Adaleen goes to the drawer where Lura keeps her supplies and sees that they've been doping Roman up with something called Sensarine(?).

Margie is at Pam's house and is telling her that she can't be a surrogate for Pam and Carl because it will just be too much of a strain on her schedule. Pam is bummed, to say the least, and starts freaking out and crying. Apparently her doofy husband Carl is a bit of a jerk because he's ready to leave Pam if they don't have kids soon. Pam's distraught because she told Carl that she didn't know she couldn't conceive and that if they don't have a family here they won't have one in heaven. Margie doesn't seem to have any resolve against Pam's tears and quickly agrees to the surrogacy. Pam is extremely grateful and practically kisses Margie's feet.

Ben is working on the Home Plus float for the Pioneer Day parade when Heather and Sarah walk in. They want Ben to join them for some functions at Heather's church, but Ben thinks that everyone in Heather's ward is stuck up. Heather tries to entice him with priesthoods and temple marriages and I have to giggle at the idea of luring a 16-year-old boy with marriage, but I know that Ben's all about getting married. Ben shoots Heather down by telling her that he's not interested in her. Hehe. Sarah steps in and says that they don't have to be victims of their parents' choices and digs a little further by accusing Bill and Barb of being a cult. Ben tells Sarah to shut up and she does, but Heather tries to tell him about Stockholm Syndrome. Disgusted, Ben walks away.

Margie is in her kitchen talking to someone off-screen about her desire to be a surrogate. I was not all surprised to see Ana pop back into the Henrickson Fold of Nuttiness. Ana is supportive and tells Margie that she needs to have a calling and Margie gushes about how glad she is to have reconnected with her friend. Ana asks how Margie's husband "Phil" feels about the whole thing and Margie takes the opportunity to tell Ana that "Phil" is actually Bill. Ana can't breathe so Margie has her put her head between her legs. She apologizes for not telling her but Ana doesn't really want to hear it and hightails it out of there. Does Margie ever, like, think?

Bill is in his office talking to the snotty ATF agent with the questionable Boston accent and his lawyer. Bill is pushing the agent in Alby's direction but she's not so sure Bill's intentions are totally honorable. Prepared, Bill hands her a list of UEB members to call who will confirm his story.

Barb picks up her phone and a clandestine Nicki is on the other end. Nicki is reporting on Bill's activities for the day, including his trip to the compound, as he walks from Nicki's house to Barb's and says that she hasn't had a chance to go through Bill's briefcase or pockets yet. I like Nicki so casually says this kind of stuff. Barb nonchalantly hangs up as Bill walks in and they turn their attention to Ben who is in the living room watching footage of a Pioneer Day parade with one of Nicki's boys. Ben tells him that they used to pay homage to Brigham Young but stopped and Nicki's kid asks why. Ben replies that they are in a time when people don't want to admit things about their leaders. I'm guessing this is more pre-polygamy angst on Ben's part. I am proud of Ben, however, for noticing the hypocrisy of not acknowledging the practices of Mormon leaders. Bill tells Barb that he'll talk to Ben and restore their son's respect for his mom. Barb replies that she doesn't want Ben's respect. She wants his love. Aw.

Ana, who has caught her breath, returns to Margie's house to call her out on her lies. Ana is understandably freaked out and wants to know if this is how they get wives. Margie insists that that's not the case and she really wanted things to work out for Ana and Bill. Ana replies that it's too late, she's dating someone else, but she doesn't seem too sure of herself. She forgives Margene, but wants to make sure that Margene knows that this was a betrayal. Margie acknowledges this but says that she just so badly wanted Ana as a sister wife. Ana softens and says that she can understand that, what with Nicki and Barb being so bossy. Alliance!

Nicki is at bingo waiting for that elusive I 28 when her phone rings. Adaleen is on the line and tells Nicki that they are at her house and she needs to come home right away. Nicki manages to pull herself away from her cards. Roman is sleeping on Nicki's couch and Adaleen explains that she rescued him from Alby and Lura. She shows Nicki the huge bag of drugs that they were pumping into his IV. Adaleen is PISSED and says that Alby will be their undoing. The Grant dynasty will fall, they'll be kicked out of the big house, she'll be reassigned to god knows who. All of this freaks Nicki out. Adaleen meekly says, "Can I stay?" and, knowing her daughter far too well, produces a wad of cash. She apologizes for disowning Nicki but says that she had no choice, she had to honor Roman.

Back in Roman's empty room, Alby and Lura try to figure out what to tell everyone. He asks what the chances are that Roman will die on his own. Lura and her collar look concerned and hopeful. Adaleen and Roman sure do produce some winners.

Adaleen is trying to back her humongous Hummer into Nicki's driveway and succeeds in knocking over a garbage can, causing a ruckus and waking up Bill, who is not exactly pleased to see his mother-not-really-in-law around his turf. All of the spouses gather around Roman's bedside at Nicki's house and wait to hear what the doctor has to say. Roman's been in better shape, but he'll be okay and he can not have anymore sedatives. As it turns out, the drug that Lura has been giving him is for veterinary uses only. So, Roman's been in a k-hole, basically. Barb does not want Roman under their roofs and says that he needs to go to a hospital. Margene thinks that Nicki's father should stay with family and Nicki thanks Margie for her support. Barb wants to know if Margie would like to find snakes in her bed and Adaleen asks Barb when she became so sarcastic. In the hallway, the doctor tells Bill that Roman should really be in a hospital and that if he deteriorates at all they should take him to one straight away. Bill thanks the doctor and hands him some cash for his trouble. Bill's a baller! Before he can go back in the room, Adaleen stops him and through clenched teeth reminds him that he and Joey owe her big time. Bill remembers and then tells his wives that the doctor advised against moving him, but that they need to keep Roman's location a secret. Dur.

Bill goes to the basement to tell Joey that Roman is there. They're all giddy and Bill thinks that the ATF agent put enough fear into the UEB that the upcoming vote will oust Alby and get rid of the Grants once and for all. Joey looks over at Wanda and Kathy spooning in bed and muses on how different their lives would have been if the Henricksons had never been overthrown. Bill doesn't know, but admits that his first instinct was to put a pillow over Roman's face. I don't know. Roman looks kind of sweet and grandfatherly now that he's all weak and helpless.

The next morning, Nicki goes to Barb and tells her, "That Bavarian waitress is here." Ha! Also, Ana knows that they're polygamists. Does anyone not know at this point? The four of them discuss Margie's surrogacy desires even though Nicki and Barb are a little uncomfortable with Ana's presence in a conversation that should be between a husband, a wife, a wife, and a wife. Margie insists that she needs a calling but Barb points out that their husband might not feel the same way. Margie cheekily informs Ana that their husband's name is Bill and the two giggle. Barb is really confused by that. Nicki thinks she knows what Margie is up to and tells her that despite being "the youngest, the newest, the shiniest and arguably somewhat attractive," she does not get to have full equality with the senior wives. Nicki adds that Ana should not be hanging around while Roman is there. Margie blurts that Bill dated Ana. Nicki is visibly upset but insists that their husband's dating life is none of their business. Holding back some tears, Nicki tells Margie not to tell Barb.

At Home Plus, the staff gathers to marvel at their float and watch a rather nauseating dance routine performed by some young girls in glittery costumes. I'm a little perturbed that this rather conservative group is cool with these young ones shaking their butts and shimmying, but whatever. Bill spies Joey and goes over to find out the results of the UEB vote. Turns out Bill was elected and Bill is all, "DO NOT WANT!" But Joey thinks he should take it since Alby has declared a state of emergency on the compound and filed a missing person's report for Roman (but not Adaleen?). Bill will have none of it, though, and insists that as long as he has Roman at his house, he'll call the shots.

At the big house, a bunch of Juniper Creekers are placing flowers and well wishes for Roman's return. Lura, Alby, some other wives and their kids solemnly exit the house and go about the pageantry of thanking the visitors. One of Alby's minions rushes up to tell him that Adaleen is still missing and that Bill has just been elected as trustee of the board. Alby pees his pants a little bit but sends the minion off to gather the entire compound for a re-vote. Whoa. The Bush allegory is pretty heavy here. Evil but competent dad is dethroned and eventually replaced by idiotic son with delusions of grandeur. Also, Alby's wife is named Lura...only one letter off from Laura. Veeeeery interesting.

Teenie is in the kitchen making herself a peanut butter sandwich when Roman wanders in and demands that she make him a sandwich plus some for the boys who have forgotten their lunches. Teenie's like, "Yeeaaah...hold on a sec," and runs off to tell someone. Margie is playing with one of her babies, when she spies Roman sitting on the sidewalk munching on his sandwich. Bill arrives home to find Roman back in bed, but ornery and demanding to go home. Bill tells him he's protected there and that he needs to stay so that he can return in triumph. Roman tells Bill that he needs to confess anything that he did to bring harm to Roman but Bill informs him that Alby is the one who has brought this upon him. Bill leaves but makes a quick stop to disconnect Nicki's house phone much to Nicki's dismay.

Lois shows up at the house to nag Bill about keeping the trustee seat on the UEB. Bill protests and Barb steps into the conversation to point out to Lois that Bill wants rid of the UEB and Juniper Creek and the Grants, etc. Lois spouts some creepy nonsense about how this is in his blood and that their family have waited too long to regain power. Bill tries to tell Lois that the family is charting a different course but Lois tells him to stop being such a pansy before spotting Adaleen and fuming over her presence. Barb hears the doorbell and finds a squeakily happy Pam who is inviting Barb and Bill over for a "pre-insemination party" they're having. Ew, I'll pass, thanks. I bet they'll have clever decorations like turkey basters and crap. I guess Barb didn't know that the surrogacy deal was a sure thing and stomps over to Margie's to inform her that she is NOT having a baby for Pam. Barb questions Ana's influence on Margie, but the youngest wife informs the oldest wife that she wants Bill to date Ana. Barb's all, "Um, NO," but Margie insists pointing out that they've already met. Barb leaves so that her can explode without messing up the upholstery.

Wanda exits the bathroom after showering and finds Lois sitting on the bed, smiling mischievously. Is it just me or is Lois resembling Lady Elaine Fairchilde more and more? Look:

   

Am I wrong? Anyway, Lois has a gift for Wanda...a big jug of anti-freeze! I love when my mother-in-law gives me practical gifts. Lois teases Wanda that Roman is at Nicki's house and that this is her chance to do something really important for the family. Wanda scolds Lois for tempting her and whines that she attempted to kill Frank, the DA, the landlord at the laundromat and Alby as per Lois' request, but Lois counters that Wanda poisoned Alby on her own. Wanda points out that that's because once she gets started it's hard to stop and that she's really wrestling with her impulses right now. Lois says that that's good, that means her conscience is talking to her. Wanda mulls this over.

Sarah and Heather go to Roman's room to refresh his water glass and Sarah dares Heather to touch him. Heather declines comparing Roman to a vampire. Sarah starts mocking the unconscious Roman, cooing, "Am I young enough? Am I pretty enough?" But Nicki spies her from the doorway. In the kitchen, Nicki yells at Sarah for being offensive, abrasive, and crude. She wants Bill to punish Sarah and ban Heather and her LDS influence. Bill sends Sarah to her room and Nicki starts demanding that Roman go back to the compound. Bill informs her that he's not going back and that the Grants are through. Nicki insists that Roman has 38 years left since he declared that he would rule until he was 118 years old. Can't argue with that logic. Nicki wants to know what will happen to them and yells at Bill for bringing them down. Bill scolds Nicki for being so willing to do anything for Roman's love when he's clearly not worthy of it. Bill bumps into Barb in the backyard who breezily asks him when he met Ana. Bill stammers that he met her once or twice, bought pie from her, something like that. Barb gets to the point and says that she does NOT want a fourth. Bill tries to brush her off by saying they'll discuss it when the time is right. But the time will never be right for Barb because she DOES NOT WANT A FOURTH. Bill points out that there are two other people in the marriage and she can't just call the shots. Barb's like, whatever, oh, btw, YOUR WIFE IS HAVING THE NEIGHBOR'S BABY, A-HOLE! Bill goes to Margie and tells her that this surrogacy nonsense isn't going to happen and that her scheming with Ana is out of line. Margie tells him not to worry. Erm, okay.

At Home Plus, Sarah shows up to follow Ben in the float so that she can give him a ride home. They get around to the subject of Ben's polygamist tendencies and Sarah says that she doesn't know who Ben is anymore and that she doesn't want to completely lose faith in their family. Ben says that he truly believes that Bill is leading them in the right direction and that his sons and daughters will be much happier because they'll be born into polygamy, not thrown into it like they were. Sarah starts to cry as she gets into her car and watches Ben drive off ahead of her, a moment whose seriousness is kind of cut since Ben is in that ridiculous bobble head float.

Adaleen is in Barb's kitchen slicing up some grapefruit and giving Barb some kind of weird pep talk about how even though she's sixth wife, she may as well be first and she took the opportunity to step over five timid souls. Adaleen never held Roman back and Barb is powerless because she's fearful and closeted. Interesting. I guess Adaleen is giving Barb a little insight into how Nicki works.

Joey breaks the bad news to Bill that he can only locate three UEB members. It appears Alby has gotten to them. Bill hears Adaleen sneaking Roman downstairs and discovers them attempting to go to the barber shop for a shave. Bill orders them back upstairs. Nicki and Adaleen set to shaving Roman with a straight razor (scary!) and Roman demands that Nicki tell him who was responsible for his shooting. Nicki, holding the razor perilously close to Roman's neck, points out that they're not on the compound. Roman, I guess sensing that Nicki wants to hurt him but never could, spouts some nonsense about how it's too bad she wasn't a boy and demands that Nicki give him her cell phone.

At Scott's house, he and Sarah are getting pretty hot and heavy. Scott asks Sarah if she's sure and she is...hence the shirt and the bra flying off. I'm sure this won't end badly at all. Snort. My money is on pregnancy, syphilis, or Scott converts to Scientology.

Bill receives a cheery call from Alby who has just been voted chairman of the UEB. As his first act as chairman, he demands that Bill return Weber Gaming to the church. Where is Bill's buddy Don to dance around and scream, "LET IT GO! LET IT GO?" Nicki is none too pleased about Alby's new position and demands that Bill sacrifice something for once since she has sacrificed everything to be a part of Bill's family before stomping back into the house. Barb gives Bill the stink eye and says that he isn't serving those he loves but a vendetta. She's got you there, Bill.

Bill goes up to Roman's room and tells him he's going back to the compound. Roman taunts Bill, who responds by lunging at Roman and wrapping his hands around his throat. Roman never thought Bill had it in him to do him harm, but Bill scoffs that it would be poetic for Roman's life to end as Bill's grandfather's did: mysteriously and unseen. Bill tells Roman that in exchange for putting him back in power, Bill will gain control of Weber Gaming with no further complications. Bill asks Roman why he ran him off and Roman replies that he didn't want him around. Bill points out that he was just a boy but Roman says, "Look at you now." Meanwhile, Nicki calls Alby to tell him that Roman is coming home and that he will soon be out of power. Alby is a little too calm about this news.

After seeing Ana at Margie's again, Barb grabs Margie by the hand and leads her over to Pam's. Margie begs not to make her tell Pam that she won't be a surrogate right then but Barb is determined. Pam pleasantly answers the door and makes note of all of the comings and goings at Barb's as she spies Joey pulling away with Roman and Adaleen. Barb explains that they have a lot of family over for Pioneer Day...family from Juniper Creek. Pam's all "Wha?" Barb tells her that her husband is from Juniper Creek and Margie tries to start telling Pam that she can't be a surrogate. Barb steps in and says that Margie can't be a surrogate because she's married...to Bill. And so is Nicki. They're all one family. Pam says something along the lines of, "Er, ah...eh...oh," as Barb leads Margie back to the house, half crying, half beaming. Margie is completely dumbfounded.

Everyone gathers in the backyard for the party except for Bill and Ana who take a moment to bitch at each other about Ana hanging out with Margene and giggling about dating Bill and Bill's decision to be a tool. They end furiously making out anyway. Those crazy kids. Margie tells Nicky that Barb outed them to Pam, which surprises Ben. Barb tells Bill the same but adds that she wants to move forward with him, but only if she's number one. Bill says that of course she's number one and not only that, he wants her on the board of directors for Weber. Barb agrees and then they make out. Bill is going to have a cold sore by the end of the night at this rate.

At the compound, some police officers are waiting when Joey pulls up with Roman and Adaleen.  Roman is under arrest for transporting women across state lines for immoral purposes. Adaleen sees Alby overseeing all of this and screams, "TRAITOR!" Let it out, Adaleen. He sucks.

Unaware of how horribly things have turned out, the family continues to enjoy their party, which is now enhanced by Teenie and Wayne's dance performance which is very...sparkly. Ben puts his arm around Barb, which makes her beam with happiness.

Comments

[Kathryn]

OMG, I was JUST saying the Lady Elaine Fairchilde thing the other night! My friend agreed with me--it's uncanny!

[Suzy Q]

"A" drink? Are you freaking KIDDING?! I'm STILL drinking!

First and foremost, may I say THANK YOU, KELLY for these most AWESOME of recaps every week. They are almost as good as the show, and even better in some ways.

Ok, on to the dirty, dirty stuff.

I LOVE how Margene just lets so much bad shit (i.e., Nicki's perpetual crap) roll right off her; she really is like a little puppy...until you corner her. Then, she gets all feisty-like. Ha! Plus, she's just so damn cute. Loved the white print dress/red sweatery thing she was wearing.

How in the hell are we supposed to believe that Adaleen managed to wrest Roman from his sickbed and into that damn huge-ass Hummer and off the compound without anyone noticing? Ok, fine; it's TV.

I sure hope that someday I find my soulmate just like Alby seems to have found his in Lura. Of course, I'll skip the giant collars. They make me look fat.

Gotta love Nicki and her stick-up-the-ass attitude, too. "Bavarian waitress"? Oh, snap. I always want to unbutton her top button, though. It looks so uncomfortable. But, then again, it's just so...her. Along with a heapin' helping of avariciousness!

Oh, Barb. Barb, Barb, Barb. *sigh*

I was also quite squicked out by the booty-shaking young 'uns. I mean, where's the religion in THAT?

Did anyone else think of Princess Diana when they saw the floral tributes to Roman being laid out at the house at the compound? Just me?

Lois is so funny-evil, it's hard to get mad at her. Poor Wanda, though. I know what it's like to try to resist your desires, girlfriend.

Oh yeah, Sarah's not getting off scot-free from that little tryst with Scott. Hope she enjoyed it.

Sproiiiing! Yes, that is the sound of Bill's dick coming back to life (without benefit of Viagra) after snogging with Ana in the pantry. Which...can you imagine? Having to hide not just from one wife and kids, but an entire batallion of them? Sheesh. That takes some balls, Bill.

Kelly, you are the shiznit. Your insight and recall are spot-on and your snark very well-placed. The line that actually made me spew this time? "Bill is going to have a cold sore by the end of the night at this rate." For me, it does not get any better than that.

[Suzy Q]

Oh, and a pre-emptive Hi! to Non-Evil Rhonda.

You know? I kinda missed Rhonda in this episode. Hmm....

[Rhonda]

Hi there Suzy-Q....I'll miss ya during the season break!

1. Margene is getting on my nerves. She just seemed kind of nasty for a while. But really seemed changed after Barb outed them to Pam. Then I kind of felt for Margene. No wonder she's been a PITA. It has to be hard to be so secretive all the time.

2. Ditto on Adalene getting Roman to Nicki's house...say wha?

3. Yays on Adalene being back! Loved her talk with Barb in the kitchen.

4. Boo on this being the end of the season.

5. Did you see on Margene's blog? She's having a girl and naming her Nell!

6. Kelly is the best! Thanks for all your hard work. I love the recaps - and you are so on the money about Lady Fairchilde!

[Rhonda]

Oh, I forgot!

7. What the Hell is with Nicki!!!! Why does she keep telling Alby what is going on before it happens.....Uh....like he had PLENTY of time to call the cops and make a plan for Roman before he got to the compound. I mean *side note* wouldn't it have made a leeeetle bit more sense to have Roman enter all dramatic like into a UEB meeting - with back lighting and roses for maximum 'Prophet' effect if they wanted him back in power?!?! Bill just sends his butt back with *can't do ANYTHING right* Joey?!?

And telling Alby about Weber Gaming.

ARHHHHHH!!!!

[veronica]

Great episode. Just sad that we have to wait for next season now.

Way to go Barb on the power move though. She's been so all "pity-me" lately that it's gotten on my nerves but she found some balls and is taking action...good for her.

Ah Margene...what's not to love (yes, I have a bit of a girl crush on her because she's so damn cute!). She has such a good heart and just wants people to like her but she really needs to think sometimes before speaking!!! Oh sure...I'll have your baby (even though I'm not really a surrogate and you have no idea I'm a polygamist...no big deal!)

And I fully agree that there will be some type of repercussioin of Sarah sleeping with Scott (who creeps me out just a bit by the way).

Lois, Lois, Lois....damn...what is there to say....she is one evil bitch.

[Jessi]

Words...I have none!!! Thanks so much for recapping this season - I'm too cheap to buy HBO for just this show, and your recaps are so detailed! :)

[Nicki]

Kelly, I love this recap so much that if we met, I would totally hump your leg and ask you to marry me.

[Kelly]

Thanks, everyone! These were so fun to write and I've had a blast discussing the episodes with you. I can't wait for next season!