Bargain Basement Bossy: The Sexiest Man Alive.

Matt Damon has been named People Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive, finally dethroning those old poops George Clooney and Brad Pitt. Bossy isn’t sure all the characteristics People Magazine considers when selecting their Sexiest Man Alive, but for starters she imagines there has to be some sort of pulse rate. This feature distinguishes it from the Sexiest Dead Man award that is all the rage.

Perhaps People Magazine selected Damon because of the deepness of his brow or the set of his jaw or his flash of a million big teeth. But since sexiness defines so much more, Bossy will now list the reasons she thinks Matt Damon deserves to win Sexiest Man Alive:

• He takes his mom to things.
• He didn’t marry an actress.
• He married a bartender.
• He married an Argentine-born bartender.
• He married an Argentine-born bartender with a kid.

Comments

[Miss Britt]

My mom's advice was clearly crap. Obviously the way to wealth and a hot ass husband is through bartending and unprotected sex.

No mother's day card for her this year!

[Laura]

How come I didn't get to marry a handsome, famous, wealthy actor-I bartend every Tuesday night dammnit!?

[Dabney]

There are hilarious articles within the Matt Damon article from George Clooney and Ben Affleck. I think the recommendations alone make him the Sexiest Man, too.

[Sils]

I still think he has shifty eyes.

[BaltimoreGal]

I never thought he was hot until I saw The Bourne Identity movies. THEN I got it. He's no George, but he can turn it on when he wants to.

[Jenny]

Okay, I have long been a fan of Matt Damon's hotness, so I, for one, am thrilled that he finally got some recognition for said hotness.

[Anna]

I have to agree with BaltimoreGal. I used to think "eh, he's okay". After seeing the Bourne movies my feelings are a lot more umm...inappropriate.

[brianna]

love him.

Plus I met my husband while I was bartending too ; ) It happens!

[Jerri Ann]

Yea, but he has some notion that he can decline this honor. Didn't they tell him it wasn't a beauty pageant and he didn't have to enter to win and to just simply take the damn honor and shut up already. I even got annoyed enough to write about it on my blog as well...ugh!

[srah]

Miss Britt, that is pretty much my favorite comment on anything ever.

[Miss Wisabus]

I think he's a handsome fellow. But if his brow line was just a little lower we'd be approaching cave man territory.

[Noelle]

I think this award was bought. Do the People of People have any integrity? Thank goodness he's at least easy on the eyes. So easy...

[Brando]

Isn't there a rule that the winner has to be able to see above the dashboard when driving?

[Mrs. Chicky]

Hey, I was a bartender and we grew up in the same state. How come he didn't come looking for me?

[Jamie]

I'd add to the bullet points, "the specific way his lips move when he talks." This is a subtle point, but check out a middle-to-late-aged Connery on this for the power of this little trait on your desire centers.

[Alli ~Mrs. Fussypants]

"the specific way his lips move when he talks." I so agree with Jamie!

He married an Argentine-born bartender with a kid. With. a. kid. I love him.

[justzoot]

I just love him because he's such a sox-loving yankee-hating boy. Seeing him debate Letterman on the finer points of their respective teams is a hoot!