Boob Jobs Gone Bad

Victoria Beckham's boobs have always alarmed me a little bit: the way that they pop up like little bald baby heads at the crest of her over-cinched bustier-style tops is just a bit creepy, like something out of a particularly twisted fairy tale, where some evil black-rubber-clad witch comes in the night and snatches infants out of cradles and uses them to stuff her empty, spider-webby bra. Shudder.

The creepiness of Posh's cleavage, however, has nothing on the out-and-out freaktastic ickiness of Tori Spelling's current boob profile. Check it out:

If Posh's boobs look like baby heads, Tori's look like squashed baby heads. With pointy bits that stick out in random directions.

Even the dog is scared. He's like, don't cut me with those things, lady. 

Seriously. Even if her current reality projects aren't quite covering the bills, Tori surely gets enough in residuals from 90210 to hire a better plastic surgeon. I'll bet Dr. 90210 would do it for free if he could feature it on his show. It'd be win-win. Tori's dresses would hang better, and the rest of us wouldn't get the nightmares.