Paris Hilton: Now Tested On Animals

Scientists have just discovered that the sight of Paris Hilton has a numbing effect on stupid animals. I know: shocking.

Neuroscientists in Montreal conducted tests on mice in which the mice were exposed to an image of Paris after they had received a painful injection, to see if exposure to the image would have an analgesic effect, and lo and behold! It did! Apparently, mice that had been licking their asses to soothe the pain of butt-shots would stop licking their asses when a picture of Paris was put in front of them. The scientists speculate that this indicates some deadening of feeling in the mice, such that they stopped feeling pain and were no longer compelled to lick. The conclusion: Paris Hilton has a stupefying and numbing effect on dumb animals.

Which, you know, I could have told them. I lose all feeling in my legs whenever I see an image of Paris Hilton. And sometimes? I see an image of Paris Hilton, and all of a sudden there's a low ringing in my ears and then everything goes all fuzzy and I can't remember what I've been doing for the last twenty-eight minutes and then I see The Simple Life credits rolling and I realize: ooooh, riiiight, Paris. She's like bad drugs, the kind that make you not feel anything, and not in the good way.

So where's PETA in all of this? I would think that they'd be all over this kind of needless torture being inflicted upon helpless animals. Jabbed with a needle in the ass and forced to stare at a paperboard cut-out of Paris Hilton? That sounds more like something that would happen at Guantanamo than in a science lab. Cruel and inhuman.

Source: Dlisted, ScienceNow

Comments

[Liana]

AH ha ha ha ha ha!!! You just made my day better. :)

[Izzy]

She's always had that effect on me!

Sidebar: Is it just me or is she looking a tad...roundy-faced in that pic?

[Mark Zuckerberg]

Lol... why do scientists waste their time with such tests? lol

[sweetney]

what other side effects might Paris Hilton have? Nausea? Vomiting? Listlessness? A sudden urge to EAT BRAAAAAAAINS?

[Maria]

They need to run tests to determine this? LOL

[Michelle]

She looks like a Price is Right spokesmodel displaying Alaskan cruisewear! FWIW, I think she shows a few signs of bulimia. for one chipmunk face that izzy points out, for two - sunken/bruised looking eyes (when not wearing sunglasses/pancake makeup).