Michael Jackson Now Held Together With Tape, Prayer

Trying and failing to remain anonymous during a late-night, three-hour shopping trip at a Las Vegas bookstore Wednesday, Michael Jackson clutched a book about dragons while simultaneously playing Mister Potato Head with his own face.

Kids, let this be a warning. Nose jobs are just gateway plastic surgery and, much like salted nuts and trophy wives, it's hard to stop at just one. Take the Invisible Man here: at first he just wanted to be white even out his skin tone, and the next thing he knew he was keeping his face on with Post-It notes and the temporary good will of Jehovah.

Or maybe he just cut himself shaving?

More true horror after the jump.

According to sources tapped by Digital Spy, MJ's five-year-old son, Prince Michael (aka "Blanket"), had whapped his dad's face while goofing around and inadvertently caused the former pop genius's lip to  *deep breath*  BURST AND COLLAPSE.

Jackson's spokesperson denies that he's had any recent surgery, AND WE BELIEVE THAT. TOTALLY. It's just that cheap Jolene lip hair bleach he keeps buying. Shit BURNS.

Seriously, the man shouldn't go out in public without being airbrushed.

Comments

[Suzy Q]

OMFG. Seriously, what the fuck is UP with his face? Is his chin melting, or are my eyes bleeding too much to see really well?

[amalah]

While the subject matter of this post fills me with deep, deep horror, the title of this post makes me giggle. A lot.

[sweetney]

ditto amalah.

oh and also: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THAT DUDE, JESUS!?!

oh and ps: BURST AND COLLAPSE?!?! THIS CALLS FOR ALL CAPS AND EXCESSIVE PUNCTUATION!!!!!

(ahem. sorry.)

[DavidS]

Heh. It looks like his face is being held together with tiny little Post-It™ Notes.

[Mrs. Kennedy]

EXACTLY.

[DianaCLT]

Mrs. Kennedy - you are the most awesome. I am snorting as I wipe the tears away from my eyes! (Yes, you know my husband wants me now, as he is witness to my hysteria!)

Seriously though - scroll up so that only MJ's chin is showing on your screen. Does that not look like a butt crack...and a hairy one at that?

(Dying in my gales of my laughter...)

[Maria]

Ditto Amalah and Sweetney. I love the title.

I can't look at MJ anymore. He makes me dry heave.

[DrillerAA]

Wouldn't it have been simpler to just wear a full face Nixon mask? You get white and a new nose for less that fifty bucks! This is just sad.

[Kirsten]

Seriously, DianaCLT, I was thinking the same thing, and my comment was going to be "Derrrr, what's with the ASSFACE?"

Time to borrow Blanket's, blanket there, MJ.