Jolie Pregnant? Who the Hell Knows!

Twelve dozen amateur bump-watchers tripped over their Baby Boden catalogs Monday in the mad rush to speculate non-factually about whether or not Angelina Jolie's flowy SAG Awards dress hid not just singular but TWIN fetal Jolie-Pitts. Regard:

Here are two people who have been photographed more than the moon and Elvis Presley combined and the thing that jumps out at me is not the maternal glow emanating from Jolie's downy cheekbones but a sad sense that Brad Pitt's skin has been exposed to so many flashbulbs that its grown another layer just to protect itself from the glare. His public face has assumed an expression of profound robotic pleasantness, and his hair has stiffened gently with weary acceptance of its lot in life, which it humbly shares with his mustache and "beard": to submit to hours of meticulous mussing before riding off through this great land of ours atop that twenty-million-dollar noggin.

I also kind of wish he'd worn a tie.

Comments

[Mrs. Kennedy]

But I really like the vest.

[Lily]

I just read on TMZ that Gwen Stefani is preggers!

[Amy]

I don't care whether she's pregnant or not, I just want to know what kind of voodoo magic is holding that dress up!

[AmyC65]

Don't you think she'd be the type to wear the flowey gown just to freak with bump-watchers?

[Mrs. Kennedy]

YES, I do think she'd wear that just to fuck with people, god bless her.

I don't know about the voodoo magic, maybe it's just double-sided tape.

[Suzy Q]

Do my eyes deceive me, or do I spy panties, a belly button and a camel toe under that dress? Do I have x-ray vision all of a sudden?

[Mrs. Kennedy]

No, there definitely appears to be a lingerie situation there.

[Caroline]

I would like to call everybody's attention to the phenomenon of Predictive Red Carpet Marital Behavior. I've noticed that when celeb couples are photographed at premieres and award shows and other big glam events, the ones that seem happy together always seem to be making eye contact with each other, like they're in their own little cocoon, allowing all us voyeurs to catch a glimpse of their Lurrrve. But the couples who AREN'T happy? The ones whose relationships seem to end within months, sometimes even weeks, after the photo appears in print? Those couples look like Brad & Angelina... distant, stiff, almost indifferent to each other. I like them, and think they've done some good things out in the world, and I hope I am wrong... but yikes. In that photo, it almost looks like they can barely stand to breathe the same air.

[DianaCLT]

Lingerie? Wow - you have some X-ray vision there!

There was actually a video clip of her left boob almost falling out of her dress - aired on either Access or Extra.

Caroline - there were actually a lot of pictures of this couple where they WERE looking adoringly, happily, lovingly, etc. at each other, both on the red carpet and during the awards. I also saw a pic where that flowy dress looked like it was flowing right over a bump. Whatever - I like them together and am happy for them, whether preggy or not.

[Liana]

I'm just glad Brad isn't wearing a newsboy cap! :)

[Sarah]

It's not her stomach it's her boobs. Seriously...those are some baby boobs right there.

[Trish]

Poor Jennifer Aniston. All she had to do was have some monkey love with Brad Pitt and have a kid. But no...her career took over. Not like she couldn't have had it all.

[Deb]

When I was a neo-hippy and pregnant, I sometimes wore a broomstick skirt pulled up like that--around the house. Pregnant or not, why is she wearing that?