Britney, You Are A Puzzle

I now believe that being blinded stupid by flashbulbs every time she pops her head out the door gives Britney Spears a reason to get up and brush her extensions every day. But does it sap her strength to pull on some underwear? APPARENTLY. Because oh sweet Anna Wintour, here we go again.

Page Six blocked out Britney's Brazilian with a little pink box, but the question remains the same. I have to ask you ladies, would you really feel comfortable wearing a dress with no panties? Let's talk. Because the female sex organs are (in the words of my seventh-grade health textbook) "self cleaning," normally there's a certain amount of discharge coming through to keep the pipes clean. Is there some fantastic yogic technique for sucking it back in so you don't get a spot on your rear every time you sit down? Does you just pop in a tampon and snip off the string so the paparazzi don't faint when your dress bunches up? Is it worth having to crouch like a sumo wrestler just to let the breeze flutter across your labia waiting for a table at SHU the night before another custody hearing that may inch you closer to the kids you haven't seen since January 3?

Comments

[Nic]

How the hell is she unable to look half decent all of the time and yet she keeps up her brazilian impeccably?!

[Amalah]

Excellent point, Nic. Good lord.

Also...that dress looks practically floor-length in other photos, so how in the world did it get THAT HIKED UP in the car?

I am fanatical about panty lines, but mah bits are covered by a reinforced cotton crotch at all times, I can assure you.

[Lori]

That's how she airs everything out...hiking up her skirt that high. Craziness!

[Sonia]

THANK YOU for saying out loud, what I've been wondering since the beginning of 'The Celebrity Crotches Caught On Camera' era! I don't get it!!

[LauraJT77]

Thank you for talking about this mystery of the exposed V-jays and how in teh hell do they do that? As a person who has attempted this (with a long skirt that I did not hike up) I can say I was mighty uncomfortable and was constantly worrying about any exposure of... dare I say, cleaning fluid?
I wonder how these girls inner workings function b/c I think it may be different from teh rest of us.

[Anon]

She's mentally ill. You're making fun of someone who's mentally ill.

[JennyM]

Nic -- I'm pretty sure that's because someone else does the Brazilian for her...

I'm pretty fanatical about panty lines, too, but I can't imagine going commando, for the reasons Mrs. Kennedy so eloquently describes. And the anxiety of wondering would give me butt sweat as well! Hanky Panky is where it's at, yo...

[kellie]

What? No comment about the 'baby bump' in this picture? What kind of journalists are you? ;)

[laura]

Kellie, I was surprised no one has commented on that, either. If that isn't a baby, then she needs some control-tops posthaste, imho.

[Teche]

What I want to know is can't the girl get one of those tiny, trendy purses to hold her cell and cigs? Hell, even a tube of lipstick? and Why oh why can't she get her nails done? If she likes the vajayjay au naturale, then let the nails breathe from the chipped polish why don't she?

[Miss Britt]

Oh my God I am dying here! LOL

[Maxine Dangerous]

Wow. I know she isn't well, but her eyes look so weird in that photo. Can we just kidnap her and actually take care of her instead of checking her into a hospital for 37 minutes and then wondering why she isn't doing any better?

[Nora]

I love this post. Self-cleaning indeed. Seriously. And above the belt, I am so so sad to see that she is a smoker.

[Missie]

Nora,
I think, sadly, nicotine is the least of her problems.