Chris Rock: Cheaty McCheaterpants

Normally I like Chris Rock. I paid good money to see him work on some new material last week at a gross casino in the middle of nowhere and he was very funny, except for the "Hillary should just go bake a cake" misogynistic portion of the act that cooled the love of half the audience.

So how interesting it was to find a new transcript of a phone conversation Rock had with Anthony Pellicano, who's smack in the middle of his own problems, about a brief affair Rock had while he and his wife, Malaak, were briefly separated in 1998. A one-night stand that morphed into a rape report (the woman, Monica Zsibrita, never filed charges, though she claimed she had a Kleenex in her freezer with Rock's semen on it) that had Rock talking about suicide.

8:15
CR: "I know the night we went to the Ivy she had on white pants. I only noticed cause my wife's real classy and subdued and I'm out with a girl with big tits and white pants. It's just, I know people were like, 'heeey'."

10:30
Pellicano excuses himself to "scream at my secretary."

14:00
Pellicano (reading from report): "He tried to pull out and ejaculated on her thighs. She immediately got up and went to the bathroom where she cleaned up with a Kleenex. She put the Kleenex in her pocket."

14:55
CR: I've been so set up...
AP: Did you come on her thighs?...
CR: I had a rubber on. I probably took it off right when I was getting ready to come. I probably came on her ass.

22:00
AP: Did you stick it in her? Without a rubber?
CR: No

24:45
AP: Now we got to go get this thing legally, which means we gotta subpoena it.

25:50
CR: It never stops
AP: It's gonna stop. I'm going to make it stop.

27:25
AP: [On Richard Pryor] I know of him trying to kill himself at least 5 times.

29:05
AP: We're going to get her one way or the other... Does your old lady know what's going on?
CR: No. She thinks it's over, put it that way. She knows of it.

30:05
CR: Rape is just fucking, buzz, you know?... Once you're accused of rape, you're just FUCKED, you know?
AP: That's why i want to blacken this girl up, totally. I want to make her out to be a lying, scumbag, manipulative cocksucker... Stupid bitch.
CR: I'm fucked. I'm better getting caught with needles in my arm. WAY better. Needles, with pictures, there's Chris Rock shooting heroin. Much better blow to the career.

Audio can be found here.

Comments

[sweetney]

woooooah. i loves me some Chris Rock. but this? errm, skeezy. bleech.

[chatty cricket]

Wait, I thought Anthony Pellicano is a PI? Is he also an Attorney?

There are just some things I don't need to know about, Chris Rock...these be some of them. Mmmmkay?

[Nic]

The title of this post just makes me love MamaPop all the more...

[Suzy Q]

So, if I read this right, he took the rubber OFF right before he came? Is he stupid? And she wiped up his jizz with a Kleenex afterward? Did she then stuff it up her twat to make sure she got pregnant? Oh, so many questions. But, only one conclusion: He's a scumbag, as is Pellicano.

[San Francisco Photos]

Who cares about brief affairs. Everyone's doing it behind everyone, aren't you/they?

[AmyC65]

ugh. Did we need to know this? Just because this transcript is "out there", did we need to have it shared here? A link for the curious would have been fine.

[jokehouseugl]

were having had beech log. even know I noticed forts other things with whatever along were about natural crown.