DEAR HULKY!
Dear Hulk,
What skills, exactly, does it take to become a $5,500 an hour hooker? Please explain.
Nicole
HULK KNOW THE ANSWER TO THIS ONE! NICOLE CANNOT STUMP THE HULK!
HULK ONCE VERY POOR, TRY TO CONVINCE RICH PERSON HULK DESERVE $5,500 AN HOUR. RICH PERSON TRY TO EXPLOIT HULK'S SEXUALITY, HULK GET VERY ANGRY! HULK EXERCISE HUMAN RIGHTS! EVEN THOUGH HULK NOT TECHNICALLY HUMAN.
HULK THINK THAT FOR PERSON TO EARN $5,500 AN HOUR, PERSON EITHER NEED LOTS OF EDUCATION OR BE REALLY GOOD AT PRETENDING TO ENJOY BEING ABUSED. HULK THINK SUCCESSFUL PROSTITUTE REALLY GOOD AT PRETENDING. ALSO HELPS TO BE PRETTY?
THIS QUESTION MAKE HULK SAD.
AFTER JUMP: ANN TOO PICKY TO FIND BOYFRIEND?
Dear Hulk,
I would like to have a boyfriend. It has been a long time since I have had a boyfriend.
I think I might be too picky. I like guys who have jobs and don't live with their mom.
I also like them to be nice. And smart. And funny. And with no tattoos or piercings on their face or genitalia.
Is this hopeless? Am I asking too much?
Ann
HULK THINK ANN SOUND NICE!
HULK LONELY SOMETIMES, TOO. HULK TRAPPED IN BIG GREEN ANGRY BODY! WHO WOULD LOVE HULK? YET HERE HULK AM, IN BED WITH LAPTOP AND CELESTIAL SEASONINGS "TENSION TAMER" TEA, WRITING TO ANN, AND HULK HAPPY!
HULK DO TAROT READING FOR ANN!
REVERSED ACE OF CUPS, HMM. TIME OF HEARTBREAK, ROMANTIC DISAPPOINTMENT. NEXT CARD EXCITING, THOUGH! JUDGMENT CARD! SOON, END OF ERA, GRADUATION, TRANSITION, PURIFICATION. MAYBE YOU MEET SOMEONE AT A SPA!
SO DON'T HURRY, ANN! EMBRACE OPENNESS AND UNPREDICTABILITY OF LIFE! BOYFRIEND WILL COME.
NEXT WEEK HULK TACKLE INFERTILITY AND HOW TO LOSE BABY WEIGHT!
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Posted by Mrs. Kennedy on March 24, 2008 in DEAR HULKY
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although every word of Dear Hulky made me giggle, "NEXT CARD EXCITING, THOUGH!" nearly made me wet my pants.
Posted by: kdiddy | March 24, 2008 at 02:15 PM
I love you, kdiddy.
Posted by: Mrs. Kennedy | March 24, 2008 at 03:09 PM
and I, you, Mrs. Kennedy. Though Justin Timberlake might tear us apart.
Posted by: kdiddy | March 24, 2008 at 03:25 PM
this is the best thing we've ever done in the history of all of mamapop.
okay, so maybe that's overstating things slightly, but you get what i'm saying. HULK SMASH! in a good way!
Posted by: sweetney | March 24, 2008 at 03:42 PM
Keli love Hulk.
Posted by: Keli | March 24, 2008 at 04:21 PM
Does Hulk need girlfriend?
Posted by: JennyM | March 24, 2008 at 04:44 PM
Hulk Hilarious!
Posted by: Suzy Q | March 24, 2008 at 04:59 PM
Thank you Hulk!
BaltimoreGal (aka Ann!)
Posted by: BaltimoreGal | March 24, 2008 at 05:33 PM
Thank you, Hulk! This helped clear things up.
Posted by: Nicole | March 24, 2008 at 06:23 PM
I read in NY Magazine that some people that earn $5000 an hour for "personal services" have vajayjays so beautiful that other professional girls are stunned and call their pimps to report the sighting. I'm still trying to figure out what that would look like. (In fact, I'm ashamed to admit how much time I have spent wondering about that).
Posted by: Cate | March 24, 2008 at 10:14 PM
Ah, they probably have those tucked in little baloney sandwich labia, the kind that send desperate, insecure women to surgeons who do labiaplasty. Again, the willingness to be abused comes into play, for those not naturally "blessed," of course. Bleah.
Posted by: Mrs. Kennedy | March 25, 2008 at 10:32 AM
"little baloney sandwich labia" should become somebody's blog title, seriously. Personally, I hate baloney. And bologna.
Posted by: BaltimoreGal | March 25, 2008 at 11:55 AM
"they probably have those tucked in little baloney sandwich labia, the kind that send desperate, insecure women to surgeons who do labiaplasty." I'm pretty sure that I just peed myself laughing at that.
Posted by: amanda | March 25, 2008 at 02:20 PM
Well thanks a lot.. now I am completely stuck, trying to picture what a little baloney sandwich labia would look like... and if that's different than a little bologna sandwich labia? Is that what baloney sandwich labias aspire to be?
Posted by: Woman with Kids | March 25, 2008 at 09:44 PM
The phrase "little baloney sandwich labia" has ceased to have any meaning. Sadly.
Posted by: JennyM | March 26, 2008 at 05:18 PM
In earlier days, tarot http://www.astrologyquestions.com/tarot/love-tarot.html was also used to create poems and stories. In praise of courtiers these poems were called as Tarocchi Appropriati. At that time these cards became connected with divination.Hence tarot readings are a form of divination. They are supposed to give us a peek into the future. Tarot card symbols are interpreted in many ways - even the way that they are placed. If placed upwards the meaning is positive, if upside down it is negative.
Posted by: Love Tarot | March 27, 2008 at 02:59 AM
This is brilliant and has been added to the list of "Things I wish I'd thought of first."
Posted by: HeyJoe | March 27, 2008 at 11:46 PM