Eddie Murphy: Beverly Hills Skeezbag

This, I think, is the very nadir of masculine asshattery: Eddie Murphy says that he'll continue to refuse to see the daughter that he conceived with Spice Girl Mel B because - get this - she tricked him into making that baby.

I'm sorry - whose penis was it that found its way into that particular baby-making tunnel? Does he not know how penises work?

Eddie. Listen. And closely, because I am only going to say this once. When a man puts his penis inside a woman, a process that is scientifically referred to as ejacualtion (you might know it as SHOOTING YOUR WAD) occurs, and the man's sperm (that is, if you're not following, Eddie, his quote-unquote BOYS) travel up the woman's fallopian tubes (her LOVE CANAL) where they meet her eggs and, not infrequently, unite to conceive a fetus, which becomes a baby, which is thereby the product of BOTH WOMAN AND MAN. Got that? I'm sure you've seen pictures.

It is scientifically impossible for a woman to 'trick' a man about any one of these steps. Insisting that she said that she was on birth control - as you have indeed been saying - does not itself constitute evidence of trickery. Conception can happen with or without birth control, and in any case - seeing as we are NOT, last time I checked, living in 10,000 BC - it is a sign of a stunted and misogynistic intelligence for any man to insist that the woman be responsible for avoiding conception.

All of which is to say: you stuck it in her, so the resulting baby is your responsibility too, you stupid dick. So man up and give your daughter the love and respect she deserves.

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Comments

[JMomma]

AMEN!!!!!!
(I lost a ton of admiration for eddie murphy when he pulled this stunt and have refused to buy any more movies that involve him and I won't go see a movie that has him in it now - such is the extent of my righteous indignation!)

[chelle]

Don't you kind of feel that this baby is better off without Eddy in her life? I mean, do you really think he'd be a great, loving influence at this point?

[Amalah]

Bad influence or no, it's gonna hurt her deeply one day, to know her dad said all this shit about her and her mom in public.

And WORD to the outdated idea that birth control is solely the woman's responsibility, and that she's deserving of punishment and scorn when it fails. (Seriously, she's a Spice Girl. I doubt she met Eddie Murphy and was like, "I'll get pregnant and be RICH!") Jackass.

He's now ruined a slew of my favorite 80s movies for me. Double jackass!

[Maxine Dangerous]

I started laughing when I read "...you stupid dick." Excellent post. :) What a tool. (I stopped liking him when he started making fun of fat people with his moronic Nutty Professor remakes. Asshat.)

[Her Bad Mother]

Chelle - she may be better off without him, but she deserves, at least, acknowledgment.

And, you know, I imagine that it would suck a little less to have a dad who was a paternity-denying dick who later recanted and maybe (I know, DREAMING) apologized than one who just stayed a dick.

DICKDICKDICKDICK. He and Geraldine Ferraro should get together.

[Kelly]

Even IF the "I was tricked" thing could somehow stand up, the innocent child shouldn't be punished by her asshole father for something she had no control over. Totally a dick.

[Teddi]

Asshole, dick, sleazy, irresponsible. All word that describe that man.