I Am Writing This Through Tears of Horror and Outrage

I am seriously outraged in a very non-faux way, y'all.  Most appalling news ever after the jump.

Fucking Spencer Pratt is getting an ADVICE COLUMN in Radar.  Spencer.  Pratt.  Advice column.  And it's going to be called "YO SPENCER."  Of course it is.  You know that pre-puking feeling, where your jaw tingles?  My jaw is right tingly right now.  I demand an explanation for this bullshit.

Oh, what's this?  It's an explanation, from Radar's editor, Maer Roshan.  Let's listen:

Spencer is never afraid to speak his mind.  When asking for advice, it's good to have someone who will be brutally honest with you, and tell it like it is.

Perhaps I should have been more specific: I demand a non-ridiculous explanation for this bullshit.  Just because Spencer is willing to speak his mind doesn't mean that what's in his mind is anything that should be spoken.  I'm 100% sure that what's in his mind right now is a recipe for Heidi Montag Bisque with a hunk of crusty Audrina Baguette.  I'm telling you, that dude is a cannibalistic serial killer in waiting.  It's in the eyes.  I can't stress this enough: WE DO NOT WANT TO KNOW WHAT HE THINKS ABOUT ANYTHING.  HE IS SCARY.  JUST LOOKING AT HIM IS TERRIFYING; WE DO NOT WANT TO SEE WHAT'S BEHIND THOSE DEAD EYES.  PLEASE.

source, source

Comments

[kellie]

Since this is Radar, is there any possible chance that this is the kind of thing that is totally a spoof but where Spencer is the only one who doesn't realize it's a spoof? That's the first thing that came to mind.

[RuthWells]

I'm more than a little horrified that he's apparently not wearing anything under his nifty costume.

[Lindsay]

Is it me, or can you see some "ball-age" going on there? They're called briefs- look into them.

[BaltimoreGal]

Well anyone who reads, or listens, to anything he says should get some kind of special free "cool" tshirt they can wear (completely voluntary) so we know to avoit him.

[BaltimoreGal]

avoid, i mean.

[Heather B.]

Holy motherfucker. The end.

[jamiegp]

i see more frank-age than ball-age... either way it is not what i needed while in the jury duty holding pen

[Sils]

I'm not sure I see someone smart enough to be a serial killer, it's just blank. He looks like a toddler faced with a calculus problem, you know but instead he's trying to concentrate on remembering to breath.

[Suzy Q]

He got a half woody from getting into THAT costume? Yish. I knew he was gay.

[Maxine Dangerous]

Ah yes. Spencer "Dress Left" Pratt. Euch.

[Vicky]

First off- this is the funniest post in a while and the comments too. Kudos all.

Second, I heard this on the radio the other day and emailed my friend and this is what she said the advice column would consist of, "Dear Spencer: I'd really like to manipulate my girlfriend into completely ditching all her friends and leaning only on me. I'd also like to persuade her to get cosmetic surgery and have her rely on me to guide her career. Oh, and I'm also a raging asshole. Can you help? Signed, Shmencer

Dear Shmencer: Why are you writing to me? Sounds like your life is perfect!"