J-Lo Drops Baby Weight In 3 Weeks; Catherine's Head Explodes

I know. I'm starting to sound like a ranty broken record on the issue of celebrities and their facking baby-weight issues (weight not lost within one month? it's an issue!), but still. Stories like this one keep feeding my frenzy:

(From the National Ledger, yesterday) "Jennifer Lopez's little babies make their million dollar debut today but what about mom?   How is she dealing with the baby weight? According to a report from In Touch Weekly, just three weeks after giving birth to twins Emme and Max on February 22, Jennifer Lopez hit the streets of New York City with hubby Marc Anthony, looking like she’s on her way to losing all of her baby weight."

THREE. WEEKS.

Cue screaming and tearing of hair.

First of all, anyone who asks of a new mom - THREE WEEKS POST-PARTUM - "whaddup with the baby weight?" deserves to be shot. In the ass. With massive horse tranquilizers and then forced, upon waking, to watch back-to-back episodes of A Baby Story for 48 hours with pulsating electrodes clamped to their nipples. Seriously.

Second of all, WHY? Why does the media insist upon demanding that celebrities return to trim, sparkly form within minutes of giving birth? I mean, I don't give a shit, really, about how this all makes Jennifer Lopez feel, nor about whatever the eff pressure she experiences to be all J-Lo glam and shit with two infants keeping their nannies awake day and night. What I DO give a shit about is how this makes ME feel. J-Lo, apparently, gained fifty pounds, "was shocked" by the changes to her body and has gone all out to lose the weight "in record time." Which, great for her, but this whole well-publicized thing about being shocked and disgusted by the changes that pregnancy imposes upon a body and being determined to move heaven and earth to escape those changes just make me - an ordinary woman with a little junk in her pregnant trunk and no personal trainers or nutritionists at my disposal - feel, well. Fat.

And that's just stupid, because a) I am, at 8 months pregnant, no bigger than I ought to be, according to MOTHER NATURE, who knows these things better than J-Lo's publicists, and b) why the eff can't we celebrate, just a little bit, the maternal body, with its curves and softnesses and LIFE-GIVING BEAUTY as maybe just a little bit sexy and awesome? For like, a minute or two, at least? FOR PLEASE?

Stomping off now to eat mah chocolate croissants with butter. And to love every fattening minute of it.

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Comments

[chatty cricket]

I gots some news for Miss JLo...without the aide of a surgeon and possibly Houdini, I think it's virtually impossible to lose 50 pounds in 3 weeks.

But, um, good luck with that? I'm sure it will be a raging success?

[carpot]

I lost the 32-ish pounds I gained with my first pregnancy in about 3 weeks. Keep in mind that about half of what you gain is baby, placenta, blood, retained water, etc. and most of that disappears immediately! My son was 9 pounds, and I had a c-section - I wasn't eating a lot in the hospital food 'cause, ugh, was the food terrible. I was surprised to come home, weigh myself and see that I was just over 20 pounds down a week after he was born. And I breastfed, which for *most* women will help with weight loss. And he ate a lot. A LOT.

So if J-Lo had two babies, that's a lot of baby and placenta and amniotic fluid and such to lose. It may be possible for her to be well on her way to losing most of it.

HOWEVER, I totally agree with you that NOBODY should be asking her how much she gained and how much she's lost now. Talk about crossing the line!

[Kristen]

I don't have kids, so I'm no expert, but shouldn't she be focusing on her NEWBORNS instead of trying to lose the baby weight? She's got plenty of time to lose the weight, but they are only newborns once.

[b]

I don't care about jlo or her body, but WTF? I have 3 daughters and I sure as all get out don't want them thinking pregnancy body is disgusting.

[Amalah]

I put on about 30 pounds with my first pregnancy, and according to the scale at my doctor's office, it was all gone by my 6-week appointment. (Breastfeeding a 10-pounder and a vegan mother-in-law doing your grocery shopping [YUCK. WHERE R MAH OREOS.] will do that for some people, I guess.)

But regardless, it took me over a year to get even CLOSE to my pre-pregnancy shape, and I did not care at all, because I was very, very busy caring for my child. My husband still liked seeing me naked, so who else gave a fuck?

And three weeks post-partum? Hell, I easily looked five months pregnant, which is completely unacceptable I guess, since our pregnant bellies are supposed to snap back into six-pack formation like a big rubber band. I'll try to remember that this time.

[rednexmama]

Seriously? Is it just me or does no one else realize that just because you lose the weight, it DOES NOT MEAN YOU WILL LOOK THE WAY YOU USED TO!!! I was STILL all bloated in the belly and dealing with bloody bits at least six months after my daughter was born, and even after getting into wicked shape, my stomach is probably never going to look the same... And you know what? Who gives a rat's ass? I'm healthy, she's healthy, and I happen to think we're both fricking awesome.

[Lose 50 lbs in 3 weeks ya right!!]

What a bunch of crap. Im sorry but NO ONE can lose 50 lbs in 3 weeks and also look as good as you did before pregnancy. If you say you did you are full of Sh#$. If you really did then you had surgery. J.Lo had two kids and was huge as a whale. Sorry she can not lose that weight without the help of a surgeon, whch Im sure she will get.