K-Fed: Get A Better Stylist

Update: First, I removed the reference to his gut, and - as I said in comments below - am very sorry if that reference offended anybody. Second - because everybody asked if this is really him - both K-Fed's rep and ex-partner Shar Jackson have confirmed that it is, indeed, him, and that that is not 'a fanny pack full of golf balls under his shirt.' They say it's "daddy weight:"

"It's daddy weight!" Shar told Usmagazine.com. "When you are a full time parent, sometimes you can't focus on you."

"If gaining a few pounds is your only problem, life's not too bad!"

Adds his rep, "He’s a stay-at-home dad, and people tend to gain weight when they are home with the kids. He's very happy with the way he looks.”

Make of that what you will.

*******

Oh, dude. What happened?

I mean, it's not like you were ever - in my opinion - a bona fide hottie, but you were trim and sorta muscular and your primary aesthetic failings seemed to be limited to an unfortunate attachment to really hideous white-boy rapper pants and hats and a certain low-grade greasiness. Which is to say that although I wouldn't have touched you with a nine-iron, it wasn't entirely surprising that Britney saw something in you that set her over-caffeinated and over-exposed lady parts a-tingle.

But now?

You like some sort of disturbing hybrid of PeeWee Herman and Rodney Dangerfield, on their bad days. I'm going to have nightmares, for seriously.

Do everyone a favor, and get yourself into a nice shower, scrub ye down, and for God's sake put on some clothes that don't look they came from the Tickle Trunk of a disgraced clown or the closet of an aging and possibly deranged golf fiend. And then burn the culottes. For the greater good of humanity. BURN THEM.