K-Fed: Get A Better Stylist

Update: First, I removed the reference to his gut, and - as I said in comments below - am very sorry if that reference offended anybody. Second - because everybody asked if this is really him - both K-Fed's rep and ex-partner Shar Jackson have confirmed that it is, indeed, him, and that that is not 'a fanny pack full of golf balls under his shirt.' They say it's "daddy weight:"

"It's daddy weight!" Shar told Usmagazine.com. "When you are a full time parent, sometimes you can't focus on you."

"If gaining a few pounds is your only problem, life's not too bad!"

Adds his rep, "He’s a stay-at-home dad, and people tend to gain weight when they are home with the kids. He's very happy with the way he looks.”

Make of that what you will.

*******

Oh, dude. What happened?

I mean, it's not like you were ever - in my opinion - a bona fide hottie, but you were trim and sorta muscular and your primary aesthetic failings seemed to be limited to an unfortunate attachment to really hideous white-boy rapper pants and hats and a certain low-grade greasiness. Which is to say that although I wouldn't have touched you with a nine-iron, it wasn't entirely surprising that Britney saw something in you that set her over-caffeinated and over-exposed lady parts a-tingle.

But now?

You like some sort of disturbing hybrid of PeeWee Herman and Rodney Dangerfield, on their bad days. I'm going to have nightmares, for seriously.

Do everyone a favor, and get yourself into a nice shower, scrub ye down, and for God's sake put on some clothes that don't look they came from the Tickle Trunk of a disgraced clown or the closet of an aging and possibly deranged golf fiend. And then burn the culottes. For the greater good of humanity. BURN THEM.

Comments

[mswas]

that doesn't even look like K-Fed - it looks more like Tom Sizemore!

http://www.poster.net/sizemore-tom/sizemore-tom-photo-tom-sizemore-6223112.jpg

[Suzy Q]

Are you sure that's K-Fed? It doesn't look like him AT ALL.

[Jamie]

Looks like a father of four to me.

[Robyn G]

WOW. Just... wow. I'm with Suzy Q... are we SURE that's him?

If it is him, I'd say that boy's a serious stress eater.

[Her Bad Mother]

According to Us Magazine, dat be him.

[Amy H]

he doesn't even have good form. that ball is going nowhere.

[Meaghan]

Can you [and by you, I mean more than one MamaPop blogger] seriously stop it with the fatphobic blogging? I understand that there is a certain degree of superficial celebrity critique with any gossip site, but I find it lacking in any degree of kindness or intellect to base an entire column on the fatness of Kevin Federline...or any celebrity for that matter.

Gossip bloggers are constantly berating stars and average, everyday human beings for being too far on either end of the sliding scale of weight acceptability, but I find it really humorless for a reputable site like MamaPop to even go there.

[Jamie]

Okay, Meaghan? What exactly is the point of a gossip site? To GOSSIP. Get over yourself.

[Angela]

I don't know, Jamie. Honestly, as a fat person (and a writer for this site), I felt pretty stung by parts of this post. And I don't think I need to get over myself about that; I think it's a valid reaction, and I don't think there's anything selfish or egotistical about saying that it's hurtful.

[Meaghan]

Jamie - Absolutely. I 100% believe in the entertainment value of gossip.

However, I don't believe that it serves any purpose, including one of entertainment, when it moves with the mainstream machine. MamaPop has brought a lot of "gossiping" to a new level...moving away from fashion or other superficials and taking on bigger, more significant gossip, such as legal ramifications of star behavior, ethical journalism, and even parenting.

When a columnist writes a column like this, berating some B-list ex-of-a-star for being fat, I have to wonder what she sees in the star (and subsequently in herself) and why anyone would think that it would make you not-gossip worthy to just be thin. I mean, there are a multitude of gossip-worthy issues regarding K-Fed, but somehow his fatness takes precedence. And my guess is that it always will, because that always seems to be more "interesting" than something mundane like absent parenting or whatever.

Please just permit me the space to be disappointed. I mean, unless you are the dead mother of an 18 month-old heiress, a 1980s star with pancreatic cancer, a celebrity guru, or a Verizon employee, today's my day to be offended because I am fat. And I have every right to scream about fantastically bad gossip columns.

When do I get called a cunt?

[Kate]

OK - I can understand that people can get offended by things, but the OP comments are not directed at you, Meaghan, they are directed at the coattail riding wannabe pictured above. It DOES look like he has put on some weight - and as the bloggers on this site are wont to do, they commented on it - snarkily.

While this might sting to people that battle with their weight, and pretty much all of us do at one time or another, why do you have to take it to the c-word level? No one here would call you that - you put that out there yourself.

[kdiddy]

Kate, Meaghan is referring to a scuffle in the comments a few days ago in which commenters began tossing the c-word at each other. The post in question was about the Seinfelds which...yeah.

[Jamie]

I'm not thin either. My apologies, Meaghan and Angela. I didn't express what I was trying to say correctly. I can understand how commenting on a celeb's weight can be hurtful.

I guess what I was trying to say was this: what's the difference between commenting on a celeb's weight and commenting on any other aspect of their life? Like their botched boob job. Their divorce. Their stint in rehab.

On a site where celebrities are discussed daily, weight is a subject that is bound to be breached.

[Meaghan]

Kate,

The c-word was thrown because of a previous debate here on MamaPop.

I don't "battle my weight", either (nice presumption, though). I'm fat and it's neither funny or sad, entertaining or boring. There is no added or subtracted value in it. But when GOSSIP BLOGGERS endeavor to subtract value from the lives of fat people with columns like this, you do have to scream because they are greasing the gears of the Hollywood Machine. And the Hollywood Machine, in the even that you've missed this, dictates that which is socially acceptable for the WORLD. And I am under the scrutiny of the world, aren't I? As we all are?

Don't pay my head with this bullshit, either. I'm not an idiot. I know what this stuff does.

[AmyC65]

I'm fat too, but I didn't take any offense at this post. Not that you're not entitled to be offended, Meaghan. I'm just speaking for another perspective. I think the reason I hypocritically sometimes find it OK to for my fat self to mock celebrity fat is that they so often put themselves out there for no purpose but show. They make so much of their identity seem to be about their looks and parading that around. SOmetimes it is secretly vindicating to catch them being human.

Not all celebrities. Like how the magazines can be so cruel to Pierce Brosnan's wife? She didn't ask for that, and it makes me hurt for her. But someone as vapid as K-Fed? Right or wrong, I gots no problem poking fun at his belly hanging over his pants.

[Meaghan]

Two edits, dammit.

** in the evenT that you've missed this...

** Don't paT my head...

Sorry. The fury of typing overwhelmed.

[Meaghan]

AmyC65: **Not all celebrities. Like how the magazines can be so cruel to Pierce Brosnan's wife? She didn't ask for that, and it makes me hurt for her. But someone as vapid as K-Fed? Right or wrong, I gots no problem poking fun at his belly hanging over his pants.**

I find it interesting that in the case of Pierce Brosnan's wife, who has conceivably done "NOTHING WRONG", it's unfair to poke at her weight. But in the case of K-Fed, because he's the pinnacle of asshattery, we can poke at his.

See, this is what I'm talking about. How the hell is that a reasonable equation?!

[Angela]

Let me be explicit about what I found hurtful: it was the implication that K-Fed should lose weight so that the rest of us don't have to look at him. That feeds directly into the shame that a lot of us feel about our bodies and our imposition of our fat selves on the world. Which is something a lot of us feel because it's something that we hear all. the. fucking. time.

And yes, Kevin Federline is a fucking tool, but he's not a fucking tool because he had the audacity to be fat where we have to look at him. He's a fucking tool because he's a fucking tool.

[Laura!]

What Angela just said. Totally.

[Kate]

Meaghan-

I didn't know about another discussion on a different thread - I was going by what was stated here. I wasn't trying to be presumptive in the "battling weight" statement, I was trying to be inclusionary, in that many people have body issues, whatever they may be, and with women, it is quite often their weight.

Sorry - not trying to be dense, or insensitive, or anything-to-be-misconstrued. The c-word thing just threw me and I was confused about how the OP could bring up feelings like that. I was trying to understand how a comment on K-Fed's weight insults your weight - and I think that I'm starting to do so.

[Her Bad Mother]

Okay. First, I apologize to anyone who was offended by the weight-references in this post. I personally thought that the greasy hair and culottes were more problematic than the paunch, but I guess that wasn't entirely clear. The title is bad, I see now, because it makes it all about his weight, which it's not: dude just looks gross, generally.

Second - this is a pretty fast weight gain, and sort of a startling one, I thought. Pictures of him from just before the new year show him looking more or less at his usual fighting weight. I though that it was gossip-worthy, because, whaddup?

Third - and here is where I get entirely sexist - my standards for sensitivity around body-image drop somewhat when the subject is a wannabe celebrity who tends to peacocky-ness about his appearance and (clears throat) is male. I would never, ever pull the snark on a woman for her weight, not because it's mean (which it is - but I'm willing to pull mean on other issues, like fake tits) but because I think it undermines women in their long, hard (hard for me too) struggle to love their bodies as they are, fight the pop-cultural-skinny-obsessed machine, etc, etc. But men have long been more or less exempt from that nasty shiz (why, otherwise, is there such a thing as ACCORDING TO JIM, oh my f**k?) Obvz, if it's not nice to point out women's weight, then it's not nice to point out men's weight, but again - men have historically gotten a free pass on this count. Male celebs so rarely get called out for their appearance, and almost never on their age or weight, and in the case of somebody who tends to be Mr. Strutty-Strut "you can call me Daddy" I figured why not point out that living off of the avails of a successful and now sadly train-wrecked woman has turned him into a paunchy, greasy golfer?

But I totally see that any slag on weight, toward anyone, can be hurtful, and I apologize for that. I'm happy to amend the title and the diet joke. But - question for the group - do you find *any* commentary on celebrity appearance offensive? I've already said what my personal boundaries are/were (no snark on the natural appearance of women.) What are yours? That's a sincere inquiry, y'all.

[Her Bad Mother]

I've changed the title and dropped the diet reference (which, yes, did imply that the world would be better off if he lost weight - which wasn't the meaning that I intended. My meaning - which I had meant to underscore with the other references to washing his hair and burning those cornea-melting culottes - was that the world would be better off if he wasn't out there imitating Rodney Dangerfield).

But having read soem of the earlier comments more closely, I wanted to add this: on the question of whether it's less unethical to mock asshats, for any reason, I tend to fall on the 'yes' side. It's why I like celebrity gossip in the first place: it's an opportunity to deflate the puffery that attends the general ass-hattery of many if not most celebs(we pretty! we hawt! we better than you because we pretty and hawt!) Pierce Brosnan's wife, to me, is off-limits not just because she's not an asshat, but because she's not part of that culture of asshattery. (Also, because her body is perfectly normal, even beautiful, for a woman who has borne multiple children.) An asshole who has paraded himself around as Mistah Hawt letting himself get a rich-guy golfer's paunch? I thought that there was something ironically snarkable about that.

Again, I do feel really badly that anybody was hurt by some of the content of the post. I just wanted to reiterate that the snark was not meant to be generalized anti-fat snark; it was anti-Fed snark, and if it went dangerously off-target, then again, I'm so sorry.

[Jamie]

This was my point earlier:

What is the difference between commenting on a celeb's weight and commenting on their recent trip to rehab, the grisly details of their adultery, or their haircut?

The beauty of this site is that we can discuss these topics. Key word is discussion. An opinion like the one Meaghan made may have been better in a private forum, i.e. an email to the author of the post.

Because, really? An uproar over a K-Fed photo has me giggling over my cocoa.

I love this site.

[kdiddy]

"What is the difference between commenting on a celeb's weight and commenting on their recent trip to rehab, the grisly details of their adultery, or their haircut?"

Not to keep this whole thing going, but I think it's because you group their body size in with other things that would fall under the heading of "content of their character," which are fair game to be judged/made fun of. In your examples, you equate gaining weight with having an affair or going to rehab. In other words, these are all "bad" things, actions to be corrected, things for which someone must apologize for doing. And frankly many fat people take offense to that. They feel that their body and size is their business and that being fat is nothing to be ashamed of, which is pretty kick-ass if you ask me.

[Sils]

I've obviously been working too hard if I missed the C word being tossed around.

[Lena]

I have to say, when I read this I understood it as having very little to do with his weight--the criticism really did seem to be more about his un-appealingness generally. The title may have been insensitive, but I can imagine the play on words was too good to pass up--and it did make me laugh.

I completely agree with only picking on those who deserve it, and in this case, he does, since he is so keen to sell himself as hot shit. And, I am wondering how and why he gained weight so fast (drugs?)-- at first I didn't believe it was him. So I do think it was as newsworthy as gossip is going to get.

I consistently find that Mamapop has snark with a heart (TMZ, which I no longer read, on the other hand...), and personally didn't feel disappointed by this post.

[JZMom]

Sorry...I'm totally confused...was the original post changed? It seems to me that the Post at the top of my screen is commenting more on his general appearance (really...what is with the pants???), with the condition of his body being only one small component of an overall picture that his horribly, horribly, wrong.

Generally, I'm frustrated by criticisms of people based on their weight; however, it looks to me like K-Fed is dealing with the stress by ingesting several sleeves of Oreos every five minutes. With heavy cream as a chaser. When someone drives drunk, or parties without panties, that's fair play; what makes an overly-close friendship with Cheetos that different?

(Personally, I don't think that's really K-Fed - that picture's a beer gut that takes YEARS to develop. Which would really make this whole thing totally moot.)

[Her Bad Mother]

JZMom - it has changed, slightly. The original title was K-Fed: Over-fed, and there was a reference to him needing to do something about the gut - which was removed - but otherwise it's the same post.

Yeah, my biggest beef was with the pants. THE HORROR.

[Meaghan]

HBM - I appreciate the apology.

JZMom - You say: "Generally, I'm frustrated by criticisms of people based on their weight; however, it looks to me like K-Fed is dealing with the stress by ingesting several sleeves of Oreos every five minutes. With heavy cream as a chaser. When someone drives drunk, or parties without panties, that's fair play; what makes an overly-close friendship with Cheetos that different?

(Personally, I don't think that's really K-Fed - that picture's a beer gut that takes YEARS to develop. Which would really make this whole thing totally moot.)"

Wow, well, you may be sensitive to weight criticisms but you seem to have a veritable arsenal of insults at your disposal! Go you.

And why I didn't e-mail the OP privately? Because I shouldn't have to be discrete about my "weight sensitivities", because it would've pulled a very thin veil over a subject that needs constant exposure, and because if some holier-than-thou is going to pass judgment on a fat B-lister, then I can sure as hell pass judgment on her. I would say that writing here kinds of lines you up for that, to be honest.

[Belle M]

does anyone else think it looks like he is holding golf balls under his shirt?????

[sweetney]

personally i think that bulge is just k-fed's fanny pack stuffed with thick wads of britney's cash.

peace, betches.

[sweetney]

PS: for the record, the aforementioned use of the word "cunt" was in comments on an earlier post, and it was A READER (see: troll) who started some nasty name-calling directed at others and started throwing that word around, NOT any MamaPop writer. just to clear that up.

[emily]

Good call, Belle M! I was totally into this conversation at work and just checked back in again to see what was new. The more I looked at that picture, the more I thought it looked way too bumpy to be his tummy and realized it looked like a load of golf balls. I'm glad I'm not the only one.

I believe I didn't catch it the first time I saw the picture because I was too wrapped up in his truly offensive hair.

[DianaCLT]

I don't recall ever seeing so many passionate responses. And while I didn't see this one before it was edited...I totally was more focused on his...(cough)..."attire"... than anything else. Okay - the hair is a REALLY close second...as is the facial expression...

So - it has piqued my curiosity...when was the post where the "C" word was thrown around? Because I'm on this site pretty relgiously (translation: OBSESSIVELY), and I don't recall seeing it.

[Belle M]

Emily- totally think hes hording golf balls under there!!! bet he throws them down when no ones looking so he can win.... but i stared at the pic for a while before i read any of the comments and my first thought was "whats with the Eddie Muenster" hair???????? and why are there golf balls under his shirt???"

but it could be a fanny pack filled with cash....britney's natch.

[mark]

I think the "press" has been "punk'd"..good job Ashton...keep it up!