"The Other Boleyn Girl" Review

Oh love and power. Individually both have been known to produce some mildly psychotic behavior in those affected but when combined they manifest as some seriously egregious, completely effed up, utterly batshit insane behavior. I am assuming that in real life none of this would have been all that entertaining but since much of this movie requires one to suspend belief for a couple of hours (Henry Tudor did NOT look like Eric Bana) it's ok to have a little glee while watching someone's life unravel due to their own pulling of the proverbial thread. The Other Boleyn Girl is like 115 minutes of Days of Our Lives. Complete with an overbearing father, an impish mother and two sisters who will literally stop at nothing to get what they feel is rightfully theirs.

The film is based on the book of the same name by Philippa Gregory, which I have been meaning to read for years but kept on getting distracted by shiny objects. Unfortunate because the novel is listed as historical fiction then the movie adds in a little drama to kick things up a notch. It's an oft romanticized yet good British tragedy but not necessarily an accurate account of the trials and tribulations of Anne Boleyn's marriage to Henry Tudor so please, I beg of you, do not go gently into that good theater expecting such. Like I said, this isn't compared to the book (also The Tudors is way better) but instead compared to several years of being obsessed with European history (Protestant Reformation, huzzah!) but finding that good ol' fashioned drama and a break from reality just makes things that much better.

From what I understand in the novel the title character - the other Boleyn girl - is Mary Boleyn (Scarlett Johansson) the sister of the infamous Anne Boleyn (Natalie Portman). In the beginning it is established that Anne is the other Boleyn girl after her sister, who is younger, is married off first. Meanwhile King Henry Tudor (Eric Bana) is married to Catherine of Aragon who is unable to produce a male heir which has led to some strife among Henry and his wife as well as stress for the king who decides to find himself a first runner up to Catherine. Someone younger and hotter of course, in hopes that his new, uh...love...will be able to give him the son he desires. King Henry chooses Anne at the urging of her father and uncle because it's the 1530's, using a female to make increase a family's prominence in the English court was de rigueur. Henry meets Anne and her family seems well on their way to go to court when Henry changes his mind (apparently his good looks make up for incessant capriciousness) after meeting Mary and he finds that she is hotter. Henry 'beds' Mary, she gets pregnant but is on bed rest for the duration of her pregnancy so what do the Boleyn men decide to do? They go fetch Anne who the sent away to France and have her become the King's new mistress. Thank God there were two of them. Anne returns to court and the King finds himself smitten even though Mary has given him the son he has always desired. So through some divine miracle Anne gets the King. Mary gets sent away to the country. Anne stays and turns into a raging, manipulative bitch who is made to feel bad for having a daughter (Elizabeth. I'll bet she's going to amount to NOTHING). And well, we all know what happens at the end and I cannot say I wasn't a tad bit thrilled because the behavior that Anne displays for the majority of the movie kind of makes you want to behead her yourself.

Is it the greatest movie ever? No. Is the acting terrific? At first I would have said no but given the amount of anger that coursed through my veins for the duration of this film - Henry must choose between two of the hottest women on the planet and the rampant whoring out of daughters - some of the acting must have been good lest I wouldn't have such disdain towards Anne Boleyn by the end. It's somewhat amusing drama at it's best. Disconcerting and angering at it's worst because one forgets that while it is 1535 on screen it is 2008 in the real world. So the feminist in me wanted to give a hearty eye roll and WTF to several aspects. My favorite WTF being when Thomas and Elizabeth Boleyn are all "Wuh?" as their children's lives are in disarray because they of course had nothing to do with it. The real question though is whether or not I was satisfied and all I have to say is, eh. It was fine, nothing to obsess about but mildly entertaining. But the latter feeling is probably because I am mean and watching someone else suffer is mildly entertaining but for this particular film, feel free hold off on the need for entertainment until you can do so from the comfort of your own living room.