Ali Lohan Hurtles Toward Point of No Return

Oh dear, little Ali Lohan is nearing the celebrity tipping point, at which time all interested Americans will be invited to tune into E! and judge how well she stands up against her hurricane of a stage mother, Dina, on their new reality show, Living Lohan. Does anyone watch these things anymore? I though Ozzie looking for a garbage bag was the apex of the genre, it's been all downhill since that but these families keep flinging themselves in front of the camera so who knows, maybe they'll show us how to do something useful like make microwave popcorn without scorching it.

The fresher news, however, is that People reports that the fourteen-year-old is going to play a "popular high-school senior" in a movie due out this fall.

Either somebody has a lot of faith in the tensile strength of Lindsay's coattails, or they're going to kill her off in the first reel.

It makes sense that Ali's character in the new film, entitled Mostly Ghostly and based on a book in R. L. Stine's popular Goosebumps young adult novel series, will allow her to keep coloring within the lines that Lindsay drew. In blooood!

But she's fourteen, for fuck's sake, let her be fourteen for another minute or two? Please, God, don't paint her up like a twenty-three-year-old trying to look eighteen.

If she gets a boob job for her next birthday I'm going to have to shoot someone.

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Comments

[missbanshee]

I feel there is no possible way this will end well. No. Way. FREE ALI!

[Martha]

She already looks like she wants to be a 23-year-old. And didn't she say that she wants to be "famous so bad she can taste it?"

That's just sick. She doesn't want to be TALENTED, just FAMOUS. Like Lindsay. Does she not SEE how well Lindsay has turned out, or are her parents feeding her lies??

[Mrs. Kennedy]

That's exactly it! She's 14 and pretty and the world says, Oh we love her, she's so cute, and she thinks she's achieved something. It's a total setup for arrested development, and it's why women who have nothing but their looks turn into plastic surgery victims when those looks start to age, they have no other identity to fall back on. I wish someone would take her to the Amazon for a year to pick coffee beans or something.

[b]

I have never understood the logic in having your kid become a "star". Even with the Jonas Bros and all their chastity ring wearing. Let your kids be kids b/c they will screw up really big. If they aren't stars then at least the humiliation will be contained to the community you live in. If they are stars then we have the whole of American Parental Outrage put on your CHILD. Seriously, that's just bullshit to put on a kid.