Dane Cook Officially Has No Redeeming Qualities

An abridged list of offenses:
1) Dane Cook is not funny.
2) Dane Cook steals jokes from other, funny comedians and waters them down to fit his special, frat boy, Jager Bomb brand of humor.
3) Dane Cook does not pick up his dog's doo-doo.

Page Six reports that Cook is in danger of being evicted from his West Hollywood apartment because he staunchly refuses to pick up his dog's poop after taking him for a walk. Cook's landlord has filed a legal complaint.

Cook's rep, Ina Treciokas, stated that her client vigorously denies the charges. She then handed her resume out to everyone within arm's distance and begged for someone to free her from her own personal hell.

If the allegations are true, and I wouldn't be at all surprised if they were, Dane Cook can add "Biggest Douchebag on the Planet," to his list of awards. I wonder why, with all of that money he probably has, he can't just, you know, hire someone to walk his dog and clean up after. That's what most of the rich and useless do, isn't it?

Comments

[teresa]

4. He's not even that good looking. Eh.

[Lindsay]

And he has that scary Criss Angel stare down pat. And lady brows. Step away from the tweezers!!!

[jenn]

I always thought Dane Cook was a douche-bag...

[Amalah]

You know, the first time I ever heard his stand-up was when he first hosted SNL. And his monologue was -- at the time -- totally hysterical to me. (Well, it WAS really late and I had PROBABLY had a lot of wine.) I thought it was great that a host actually wrote their own monologue.

So then I watched his HBO special or whatever it was and realized that what worked for a three-minute monologue made me want to SMASH AND THROW THINGS 15 minutes in, and by the end of the show I despised him and his whole schtick and oh my god SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP.

[jett]

He is fucking hot and hilarious so I don't care. That's what u pay mexicans for anyways.

[kdiddy]

jett, it makes sense that you would crack a racist "joke" immediately after declaring Dane Cook hilarious. You possess neither taste nor class.

[disnazzio]

Jett, what the fuck? No, seriously: what the fuck? "U" should keep that kind of shit to "ur"self.

[sweetney]

i strongly suspect that "jett" is mr. cook. sounds like him, doesn't it?

[Teresa]

Lindsay: fucking lady brows killed me. You're 100 times funnier than Dane Cook and you're not even trying!

BTW, what IS his relevance anyway?

[Teresa]

Lindsay: fucking lady brows killed me. You're 100 times funnier than Dane Cook and you're not even trying!

BTW, what IS his relevance anyway?

[AJMick]

His eyebrows remind me of Carrot Top. Not a good thing.

[Diane]

Amalah, I'm so with you on the SNL thing! I bitched and moaned that he was hosting when I was watching with a bunch of friends, and then he had to go and be funny in that show-opening to make me eat my words.

[Robin]

I was already too much in full Dane-hatred mode to even mildly be amused at his SNL.. anything, really. He is everything that is wrong with comedy.

[michele]

ok, i am never going to defend him b/c he is an unfunny douchebag. but let's get our story straight as long as we are on the topic. He has never had a drop of alchohol and I seriously doubt he ever was in a fraternity. who would want him? I think he might be one of those "straight edge" people.

[kdiddy]

I wasn't speaking to Cook's alcohol consumption or brotherhood, but his audience has a high concentration of the Jager-bomb, frat bro types.

[Amanda]

Isn't it really enough that he ruined the World Series with those totally lame commercials. I wanted to gouge my eyes out.